Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Weekly weigh-in + positivity!

CW: 81,7 kg/180,1 lbs (BMI 29,3)
Loss: 1 kg/2,2 lbs (over two weeks)
GW1: 82 kg/180,8 lbs (BMI 29,4) - REACHED
GW2: 78 kg/171,9 lbs (BMI 28)

So, for once, I am updating this post while being in a relativly good mood. Yesterday didn't go as I planned. One sandwich for lunch, no dinner, but we made kanelsnegle (Cinnamon snails) with the kid-scouts, and there was a lot of candy too because it was out last meeting before christmas. I purged both of those things. Then we had the meeting for the bigger scouts, and we had this competition that we have once e year. It's about solving codes. But first, you have to find the codes, and theese are hidden all over a table with some sort of theme. Like, we have had christmas eve, birthday party, family evening. This time it was chritmas-brunch theme, so of course, there was a lot of food, delicious food that we got to eat while finding the codes. And because it was stretched over 2 hours, I didn't have a chance at purging it. Still, I had lost weight for today, also getting me under my goal weight 1 (in the box on the right, behind the post-review).
I am so excited about this. It feels so wonderful. And I am getting so close to my lowest weight ever at this height! The lowest I have ever been while dieting, that is. I can practicly taste it. I so don't want to mess up this thing.
I do have one problem though girls. Yesterday I was drinking some sparkling mineral water, and one or two of my teeth ached so bad! I hurt so much I almost spat it back out.
If there is something I like about my look, it's my teeth. They are very straight since I have had retainers, and it was such a pain while having it that I take good care of my teeth now. So I have decided to give my teeth a small break. The next couple of days will be restricting with max. 800 calories a day net-total. Fitness every day, of course :)

I have eaten 704 calories so far today (rye-bread 399, bun 145, müslibar 81, cheese 44, butter 36).
When going to the gym I'm aiming to burn 300 or so on the exercise machines, then 50-100 on the weights (How do I know how much I've burned on the weights? It annoys me that they don't have an overlook, 'cause when I google it, I get 100 diffrent results ._.)
Anyway, once that's over with, I'll have about 350 calories left for dinner. Soup is always lovely, and I know that Nicolaj has some tomatoe cup-a-soup, so I'll just have that and maybe some bread with it. Yeah, I'm eating at his place tonight.
Lunch is over, and it's too late to purge. I'm starting to feel a bit panic-y at the thought of all those calories in my stomac right now. I was so much more than I though when I looked it up. Sigh.
I've got to stay strong!
I've got to save my teeth!
I've got to get myself together!
Once, I could go for a week without eating more than 2000 calories in total. Now, I eat more than that every single day. I feel like I have lost every shred of control I ever had. But then again, it has got to be some kind of controle, being able to make yourself throw up several times a day, every day, knowing that it's a really bad feeling - though at the same time, really addictive?

Don't worry, I'm still pretty positive. Just wondering about life and stuff :)

Oh, and I really really want to thank y'all.
The support you give me means so much to me.
Really, no matter how depressed and destructive I am when I post, you girls always find some way to make me feel better about myself again. There is a reason I check Blogger 50 times a day, looking if I have gotten any more comments. Whenever I see them, I always just smile broadly.
Thank you all for always being there for me.
You girls really are the best!

Stay strong, think thin, be beautiful!
- Bella


  1. SO SO SO SO close to 170's. fucking...amazing. baby! AMAZING!
    78kg is SO CLOSE. SO SO SO CLOSE. call cinnamon rolls cinnamon snails? YOUFUCKINGADORABLEPIECEOF-
    oh my God <3 i'm glad everything is well with you then! it's nice to know that you don't have to purge EVERYTHING to lose sometimes.
    mmmm! <3
    you told Nicholaj you're a vegetarian right, sexy?
    i believe when you purge, you feel like you're purging your self-loathing, hatred and all those disgusting bad thoughts when you do. that's why i'm addicted to it. when i'm in a bad mood, i only eat to purge it all out sometimes. sometimes, i eat more, sometimes i eat less, it depends but i love the release purging gets and when i can't purge a type of food-
    well then it feels like it all goes to Hell.
    here's to that beautiful smile on those beautiful teeth!

    - Sam Crazy Cat Lupin ♥

  2. You are so close! Congrats :)
    Sam's comment made me laugh..soo hard...the part about the cinnamon snails, I mean :)
    I hope that your teeth are alright, I have shitty teeth as it is, but you sound like you have good teeth. So, I hope they stay pretty :)

    You're almost there, Bella!

    Stay safe and strong!

  3. Congrats! I wish you all the best and I know you can win! Stay strong :)