Saturday, July 30, 2011

Fuck-up and reload

Yes girls, as it so often happens, I just had to major fuck-up days. Okay, maybe not major. But enoigh that I've gained. I haven't been on the scales today. I'm afraid to. I'm not eating today. I've said that before, I know. But this time, I mean it!
As of August 1st, I will be doing ABC with heather[hunger] from Starving myself pretty..., and I am pretty damn excited. I've tried ABC so many times, and never managed to stay on it for longer than 2 weeks, I'm sure most of you know what I mean :)
I know, from experience, that it is so much easier to stick to it and stay focused when you have an ABC buddy. So it's not just yourself you let down if you fail. It's also your awesome buddy, who counts on you and trusts you.
I just spend a couple of minuts writing down in my phone calender the calorie intake allowed for all 50 days. I feel so powerful and confident right now. I really do think that I can do this. I'm not alone in it, and God knows I'm motivated! So I'm sure it'll be pretty damn good! :)

On a whole other page, I'm going to a party tonight! 20th birthday, yay.
Just dyed my hair yesterday, and I got the cooooooll'est shoes from my mom! I swear, I have never before seen shoes that awesome! I'm absolutely in love! And I'm normaly not a shoe fanatic. But honestly, theese... I actually told my mom that I couldn't live without them, and promised that if I had to, I'd wear them every day the next year (they are pretty high), and she was sooo sweet. They weren't even that expensive :)
Anyway, I'll post a picture of both my hair and my shoes sometime tomorrow.

This party is going to be great! I hope.
If the boyfriend acts like the last time, I swear I'll kill him. He can't do that to me, not after the conversation we had the other day. My best friend will also be there, and the guy she is madly in love with (and we're both pretty sure he likes her back). so I'm sure I'll have a nice evening. Hopefully, since I won't eat today, I'll get drunk real quick, and I won't have to drink so much. Damn you calories who hides in all the delicious alcohole on this world. Damn you!

Though, if I could ask God for one thing to be calorie-free, it would probably be... I don't know. Chocolate. Crisps. Cult. Or maybe bread. I could live on bread. Or chicken!
I mean, I'm a vegetarian and all, but chicken is my big weakness. It's just sooo yummy! The only thing keeping me from eating it is, everytime I plan on, I see those little baby chicks inside my head. And then I can't do it. I know I'm a bad vegetarian from even wanting to... But at least, I don't do it. That's what counts, if you ask me. That, and then that you are vegetarian for the right reason. Not because everyone else is, or because it makes it easier to loose weight. But for the animals.
Damn! Distractions, distractions...

Haha, I love this picture! :)
And look at that skinny girl they chose for the job!

Oh well lovelies, once again time has run away from me.
Guess I better get going, getting ready for that party :)
Wish me luck!
Oh, and always stay strong girls!
Every person has ups and downs.
Someone once wrote thai to me when I complained about failing so much: Don't worry, love. We all have our failing points. And that failing is not weakness; it's simply an opportunity to show your strength, because it takes much more strength to get up and try again than it takes weakness to fail in the first place...
I consider those the best advise I've ever gotten on this whole blog. Thank you Joanna, for always being so supportive and wise :)

Okay, now i definelty have to go!
Stay strong lovelies. You are all so beautiful!
Think thin girls, and I'll write you tomorrow! :)
- Bella 

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Happy day

I'm so happy today.I had an absolutely honest talk with the boyfriend last night. I was fearing it sooo much, but it went quite easy actually. It was quick and almost painfree. We ended up feeling all newly-in-love again, so we watched a movie together and had some wonderful tender sex afterwords. And it just felt so right. Like, suddenly I could remember all the reasons I love him, and I could see myself, really see myself with this guys, for the rest of my life.
Spend the day at his house. More movie. More sex. More happiness. I feel so right, finally!

Woke up this morning to 84,2 kg/185,6. I was real overwhelmed. But really, really happy. After for so long being so weak, constantly binging and not being able to restrict propperly, I'm finally doing something right. And it's going so fast! Which I know is not a good thing, loosing too fast, since it tends to come back quick. But I'm sure it'll slow down once my body gets used to restricting again. To be honest, I don't really care too much. As long as I'm losing, I'm happy.

Do you know that feeling? Like, everything is just right!
It's the feeling of controle. Of finally, after having lost grip, being able to regain controle. It feels wonderful! I feel real powerful, haha :)

I've started about being more concrete about what I eat and exercise and stuff in here, you know? i've notic how many write down everything they've eaten in here, the calories, the exercise, and then the total. Maybe I should start doing that as well?
I do know a great homepage for adding up calories, as long as you know how much you ate. It makes it real easy for me, and I'm really addicted to it. It's danish, though, so most of you (all of you?) won't understand it. But here it is anyway (no one says you have to look at it) -

Okay, I will be doing that, I just decided.
For the future, I'll write it as the first thing. But since I've discusted it here, there really ain't need for me to do it today, right? So you'll just get it here :)

B: 1 s. ryebread (small) (76 cal)
1 s. cheese (28 cal)
L: 5 rye-crackers (154 cal)
D: 1 wheat bun (133 cal)

Total: 391 cal

As for the exercise, I don't know how much sex burns, but other that that, I haven't been doing anything. And yes, I do feel like a fat pig for that, and I do feel like I've gained though I ate less than 400 calories. I do care, believe me. It's just... I've been to happy to think about that. And since that doesn't happen very often, I decided to just relax and enjoy the happiness, just for once. That reasonable enough, don't you think? :)

So lovelies, I'm gonna go take a shower now.
(Yes, this is a cheesy way to end the post, I know. I'm not the creative type, really.)
Always remember pretties, always, that happiness is the most beautiful thing in the world. Don't trade it for anything in the world. Not even for Ana. In the end, all the reason we struggle so hard, is so that we can feel happy about ourselfs. Never give up the feeling of happiness. It ain't worth it. Remember this.
Stay strong lovelies, and think thin.
Believe in yourself.
Be confident.
You will reach your goal!
You will show everyone!
You will feel normal again!
You will be happy!
- Bella

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

*Insert attractive titel here*

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who commented on my last post! All those things you said, it meant so much to me! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being there for me when I really needed it, when I was really down. I love you guys so much!
I guess you could say everythings back to normal.
I ate today, after 45 hours of fasting. Two wheat buns, half a slice of bacon, and a small handful of nuts and raisins. I've calculated it, and it's only around 500 calories. I wont eat any more today. Don't know about tomorrow. We'll see. Depends on the mood.

Weighed in at 85,5 kg/188,5 LBS this morning. I'm crossing my fingers that I'll be beneath 85 kg/187,4 tomorrow. Maybe I wont, after eating the buns. Then I'll make it for the next day. I'm pretty sure I haven't gained, eating 500 calories and bike-riding today. Not that it was a long trip. But on a normal day, I wouldn't even have been on it. So it should be alright. I guess. I hope.

Lately, I've been listening a lot to the song "Starving for Attention" by Geri Karlstom and "The voice" by Celtic Woman. They are so perfect. They both desribe it all so well, all those things that I can't say. Somehow...

Bones are beautiful
My drug of choice
Striving for perfection
And I'm driven to
Run to you
In the wrong direction
How does that make you feel?
Why can't I make you see?

Mom and Daddy look
It's your little girl
Starving for attention
Too much on my plate
Things that I can't face
Starving for attention

I can't be myself
The mirror tells
Lies and says I'm ugly
Am I really here?
I cut my skin
It takes a knife to find me
I can't make me feel
So now I have to bleed

Mom and Daddy look
It's your little girl
Starving for attention
Too much on my plate
Things that I can't face
Starving for attention

Hungry empty
Lost in her pain
She can't tell you
So she slowly fades away

Mom and Daddy look
It's your little girl
Dying for attention
Too much on her plate
Things that she can't face
Starving for attention
Craving your attention
She's dying for your attention

Do you know that feeling?
When a song desribes you, your situation, your relationships, or maybe your mood, just perfect? And you feel like "wow, this song could be written for me!".

I get that feeling all the time. It is in so many songs that I hear. Mostly 'cause that's what I like the best. Song that I can relate to. Don't we all?

Simple Plan - Perfect desribes me and my dad perfectly.
Rachel Ferguson - Never good enough describes my self esteem so well!
Celtic Woman - The voice describes my Ana-realtionship shockingly good.
John Mayer ft. Taylor Swift - Half of my heart describes my realtionship exacly.
Britt Nicole - When she cries describes my everyday life spot on.

I could go on. But I'm pretty sure you all know what I mean, right?
There's always all those songs, and you know you can always turn to them for support and understanding. You start to believe that there are others who feel the same way you do. And it's just so wonderful!
That's why music has always ment so much to me. Ever since I was 9, music has been my guide, my enemy, my best friend, my love, and my biggest support.
Music is God's gift to the humans!
Thank you Lord...

So girls, with those words of wisdom, I will leave you.
Think thin, all you beautiful ladies.
Stay strong! And know I will always be there if you need any support, if you feel like laying out your heart for someone who doesn't know you and wont judge you, or if you just need someone to listen.
I love you all!
- Bella

Monday, July 25, 2011

Just another family evening...

Oh how great.My grandparrents came by yesterday, since we'd just gotten home. We all ate together. I had half a potato, a piece of bread and some green beans.
My dad had to much wine again, of course. When I say of course, it is because that happens as an average at least twice a week, sometimes more, but never really less.
Anyway, after my grandparretns went home, my mom, dad and I just sat in the couch watching TV together, enjoying being home.
And then hell broke loose...

A commercial for a new program called "Extremly Fat" came on. It's about thoose gigantic people you see, thoose where you always think "how on earth can they do that to themself?" and their trying to loose weight. After the commercial ended, my dad looked at me and told me that I was now old enough for them to talk serious with me about my weight. He started telling me how worried he was, the fear that I was going to get diabetes and clots and yadda yadda yadda. My mom was quiet durring the whole talk. She hates confrontations.
He kept telling me all theese hurtfull things about how my boyfriend is bad for me because of his eating habbits, and that he feared that I in a couple of years wont be able to sit in an airplanechair, 'cause I've gotten to fat. Well, thanks a lot dad.
He said I couldn't go on eating like I do, that I couldn't be a vegetarian if all I ate was white bread a crisps. Oh dad, how I wish you knew. If he knew that I'd written down everything I ate durring that fucking vacation, how I'm always counting calories while eating, how often I fast and all thoose stuff, he'd be sorry.
He actually yold me that I had to get up some more, that I couldn't just sit in my room blogging all day - HA! If he knew what I am blogging about, he wouldn't feel the need to tell me thoose things.
I just hate when he acts like this. I spend 2 hours arguing with him, asking him if he didn't think I'd though about all thoose nasty things before? He said I waisted my life, that I didn't care for it. I told him if that was true, I would have put a gun to my head years ago.
He cried a little. I cried a lot.
He told me he was so afraid to loose me. He doesn't know he lost me years ago, when he started to see that I was not everything he thought I should be.
I ended up telling him that I didn't want his help, didn't want him to do anymore for my. That I wanted to do it my own way. Then he laughed.
I haven't eaten since that talk...

God I hate him!
It's not just something I'm saying 'cause I'm mad. I've known it for years.

I've just never been good enough for him. I never will be.

Woke up to 86,1 kg/189,8 lbs this morning. I should have been happy. But I was just sad it wasn't more.
God I'm in a terrible mood. Like, all I want to do is hide and be alone. And cut.
I don't want to see anybody. Everything annoys me.

Truth is, I just keep hearing all thoose things he said to me. And all the things he've said to me before.
Have I told you that once, he actually said to me he wouldn't ever realize it if I got pregnant? And then he wonders why I keep pushing him away, and putting up such a fight when he tries to help.
I don't want his help. I don't want anybody's help. i just want to do this by myself.

Haha, I sound like I'm just on the edge of suicide, like that depressed.
Well, I'm not. I'm actually pretty numb. I don't really care about anything today. All I can think about is thin. Thinthinthinthinthin.

Well, I'm gonna show him. I'm gonna show everybody
None of them believe it'll ever happen. Just wait and see.
Give me a year, maybe two. Give me ten! Eventually, it will happen. I just hope my dad will still be alive to see it then. If his drinking and smoking doesn't end him before then.

Damn. I'm so sorry for being so emo today. I don't want to bring anyone down. I just needed to get it out, to tell the only people who knows everything about me - you guys. And I do feel better now, really. I just needed to get some air, that's all.

Now, if you'll excuse me ladies, I'll go listen to some depressing ana music. Thank god for Youtube!
Until next time, stay strong pretties.
I hope I'll be in a better mood then.
I love you all so much more than I can say!
- Bella 

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Remembering Norway (Home sweet home)

First of all, I'd like to use a few lines for remembering Norway and the tragedy happing there this Friday. I feel so sorry for everyone in some way invoveld with this. I pray for the families, friends, classmates, and everyone who've lost someone they loved, someone they held dear, someone the carred for, or someone they just knew.
I still can't believe it has really happend. My heart goes out the everyone left behind, the surviveours, and all the young souls who are now safe in heaven. May you rest in peace.

R.I.P. Amy Winehous, as well. 27 years. Dear god, have mercy.

Well, I'm finaly home.
I won't say it's been bad. But the whole time I was there, I just longed for home, for routines and everyday life. I didn't like being there. It's so much nicer here.
Bringing the boyfriend was absolutely a mistake, a huge one. He was just sad, or tired, or plain not-carring the whole time. He kept dwelling in the past, kept sulking, and when he was in a good mood, he would play on my brothers PSP. Fml.

I'm so sick of him. I'm so sick of him never changing, no matter how many times I cry my eyes out in front of him. I'm sick of being the strong one, sick of having to forgive every fail of his (and believe me, he's got quite a few ones) and I'm so sick of being with him. I know it ain't supposed to be this way. This can't be love.
I guess I just need a break.

Well, besides him, it was... Okay, I guess.
I wrote down everything I ate, and I managed to eat healthy about half the time. I'd actually lost 1,8 kg/3,9 lbs while down there, though I do feel I could have done better in the food department.
We went paragliding, and we tried something else, where you sit on this kind of round plasticboat, and there's handles you can hold on to. Then you get dragged behind a speedboat. I have no idea what it's called, and I don't have the pictures on my computer yet. I'll show you when I can. It's was really fun :)

Me and the boyfriend, paragliding :)

Besides that, nothing interesting really happend. It was just a regular family vacation, and that's it.
I've gotten really tan. That is, really tan for me. Which means I no longer look like a vampire, just a regular human being. Haha :)
God, I've missed you so much lovelies!
Now you all tell me, how've you been doing while I was gone? As soon as this is posted, I'll start reading all your blogs, catching up on everything. Which is just about now I'll do that.

I hope you're all well lovelies.
I'm very much looking forward to read all of yours' blogs!
Stay strong pretties, and I'll be back tomorrow.
'Til then, lots of love!
- Bella 

Friday, July 8, 2011

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go...

Actually, I haven't packed. I haven't even started packing yet. Just got in a load of fresh, clean clothes. Guess there's no excuse for not packing now :/
Oh wll, Now I started this, I have to finish it!

Normally, I would be sooo excited about going. I mean, it's tomorrow! It's the nicest hotel I've ever satyind in, and I get to bring the boyfriend. And halfway, I am excited about all this. But the other half of me... Keeps thinking about all the food down there, all the calories I'll eat, all the weight I'll gain. How there's no way not to. Damn!

I'm not anorexic. Or bulimic. Or anything else. I wouldn't even say I have an eating disorder. But then why am I so obsessed with food? I mean, I've been having small fast for over 3 years now, trying to loose weight fast. But it's not until recently that it has started to take so much overhand. Like, when I went to Turkey 2 years ago, I didn't obsess as much about my food (I weigh the same now as I did back then). I just ate whatever I wanted to, though I would feel bad afterwords. But now... I can't even look forward to this vacation, 2 weeks in a four stared hotel with my boyfriend and family.

It's in everything I do, everything I think about. I can't enjoy being with other people any more, not even my boyfriend! 'Cause either I'll eat, or otherwise I'll constantly think about fasting and hunger and such. And I'm not much fun to be around when either of thoose things happens.
Damn. I am disordered, ain't I?
Well, too late to stop it now anyway. I'm not going to change.

So, I have found the way to fast in a way your parrents will never know.
1) Stay up 'till 7 am, drinking sugarfree sodium drinks and watching a season of so TV show you love
2) Sleep 'till 4 pm.

I did that today(/yesterday), yes. Lol :)
Makes it so much easier not to eat. You wake up too late for breakfast or lunch. And when it's time for dinner, I'll just have something else to do. Then I can climbe into bed and watch some more TV about 10 pm. And done.

I'm planning on fasting until we're down there. Since I ate a lot of crap yesterday, I have gained for today (Actually , it was a 2-day-gain. Couldn't weight myself in the morning yesterday). So about 12 or 1 am I guess I stopped eating. Fasting from then, and then 'till we get there, about 8 or 9 pm tomorrow. I don't know if we'll go out for dinner then, when it's so late. Maybe. If not, I'll continue the fast until next morning :)
If we are going out, something very light for me. Maybe I could just order a starter for dinner? Or some salad. Oh, I'd love if they had a salad buffet! Haha, now I'm starting to get excited. By planning my fast and my meals. Jesus I'm fucked...

God, I'm sooo gonna miss you all so much!
Now I'm sad, thinking about the 2 weeks I won't be able to update.
I'll definetly look for internet cafes down there. And then I'll punk my parrents for money for it.
I so hope I get to go on, just once or twice a week. To let you know I'm still breathing of course, but mostly because you're the reason I get through my days. Reading all of your blogs inspires me to keep on going, and if I don't have that... Well, I guess we'll find out now.

Now lovelies, I gotta go pack.
I love you all lovelies. Stay strong!
I'll leave you with the famous words of John Denver.

I'm leaving on a Jet Plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

- Bella 

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Tired. Sad. Yet, somehow, positive.

I have to admit right away, I broke my fast last night. Not by a whole lot, but more than I should have. I shouldn't have done it at all. And, not only that, but I also sort of binged this morning. Don't know about that. Ate over a 1000, which is really bad. But compared to what I've been eating the last couple of months, I'm not as worried. I am worried that I'll gain all the weight I lost from yesterday right back on (1,2 kg/ 2,6 lbs).
So, just did a 1000 steps on my small... I don't really know what it's called? That one where you stepping, but also slightly out to the sides, so you get the stomac with. Did that on a high inpact, then a bit of hoola-hoop (a tiny bit - apperently, I've lost my ability to do that ._.), and I've got an hour of Zumba comming up, where I'm planning on giving it all I can.

Heres my guess to why I was so weak this morning: I didn't sleep at all last night. I just... Wasn't tired. I still aren't, and I've now been awake for 27 hours straight. I've only done that, like, once in my life before. But back then, I felt tired as hell after the first 24 hours. I'm not tired at all. Just really, really hungry (all that you-need-6-hours-of-sleep-so-your-brain-can-make-something-blablabla). Or, it's not so bad, after the binge of course. But I can already feel it creeping back. Yuck.

So, since I'm going to Bulgaria this saturday and wont be able to write you lovelies at all in two weeks, I got an idea. I'm gonna make, like, a real small journal, where I'll write a bit about what I eat and how much I exercise every day. Then I can post it when I come back :)
The good news: the hotel has a gym. And, several pools. I don't think I've ever mentioned it on here, but swimming is my number one favorite kind of exercise. I was actually a sort of amature-pro (does that make sense) for 6 or 7 years. Then I got fat, didn't felt like showing off my body anymore, quit and got even more fat.
I just love how you feel like you weight nothing while floating in the water.
I'm gonna swim at least an hour every morning, and every afternoon. And though I know it'll be hard as hell, and I probably wont be able to hold it I will do my best to restict while down there. Not, like, starving restricting. But very much keep an eye on what I order.

We have this thing in my family, we go out to eat every stinking night while on holiday. Back in time, I absolutely loved it, sensing the energy of the city after dark. But this year, it'll be hell.
For one thing, I can't order a salad more than two times a week, or my parrents will get pissed for no absolute reason at all.
Second, I'm just not the type to ever order a salad. I just look at the menu cart and see all thoose yummy things, and then I just get whatever I want. This is not a big problem normally, since I'm eating out maximum 2 times a year. But this will be every fucking night for 2 weeks! Dear God, give me strenght. Please, make me choose the salad! (No, I'm not taking the Lords name in vain - I'm a Christian, but I normally don't preach or pray public. Guess I just need the extra strenght for thoose 2 weeks :/ )

This is the hotel I'm staying at. It's got 4 stars, and it's literally right down by the beack :P

Please lovelies, I need you now. Any advice you can give me on how to stay motivated for thoose 2 weeks, when I'm supposed to just relax and enjoy myself, anything no matter how small it is. Please, please, have anyone got some advises?

Yikes. This positive post ended out pretty damn sad.
Guess I'll just end it here.
So, all my pretties.
Any advice will be treasured!
Stay strong, all you wonderful women and girls out there.
Remember, I'll always believe in you!
Thin thin
- Bella 

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

That "I-really-don't-want-to-do-this-post"

Exacly. This is the post where I tell you how much I've gained, and you all drop you jaws 'cause you didn't know it was posible to gain that much in such short time.

I'll start of with the good news: I didn't gain at all during Roskilde Festival. At all. That is pretty damn amazing!
Now to the bad - really bad - news. My weight: In about 2 or 3 months, I have moved my fat ass weight from 80,7 kg/177,9 lbs to a massive 88,7 kg/195,6 lbs. I've gained 8 kg/17,6 lbs in 2-3 months! Which is 2/3 of what I'd already lost. So I feel pretty... Fat. I know, I know, but there's no other words.

So far it's 2:30 pm, and my intake for today is about 5. I'm living on diet coke, yippie. It's one of my total addictions. Hey, maybe I should make, like, a list? With pictures? My top 5 addictions? Well, what a great idea. And I'll start from the buttom up, like a countdown. Haha, this'll be awesome. I mean, to make the list. Lists are fun, okay?

My top 5 food/drink addictions
Number 5

Eggs. This is kind of a wide area, but I just love them, and I eat them every possible way I can! Scrambled, fried, boiled (with or without a soft center), and bread, on toast, in salads, just... Eggs!
I know I shouldn't eat the yolk. I know how much healthier it is wihtout, and sometimes I do make omelets only from the whites. But I mean, come on! It's not one of the most unhealthy things, even with the yolk.
So, eggs is my number 5 addiction :)

Number 4
Cucumber. Damn, what would I do without my favorite almost-no-calories snack/food?
I can be used for everything! I eat it with salt on rye bread, in all salads (no matter the rets of the contents), mexican food, or just a big piece for snack. I looove it :)

Number 3

Rice cakes, with or without cheese. Though for the most, with cheese. I couldn't find a picture of the big ones with cheese, but thoose are the ones I love the most. They're 38 calories per cake, so of course you can't just go crazy with them, for one or two as a snack, it's absolutely wonderfull! I'm addicted :)

Number 2
Diet coke and coke zero. Where would I be without it?
I wouldn't be able to fast ever.
As an average, I drink around 1 liter/33,8 ounces (1,05 quarts),  which is pretty disgusting when you think about it. But I just... I can't help it.
This is actually kind of equal with number one. They're very, very close!

Number 1
<-- Me with brown hair

My absolute top addiction. I guess it's the caffein I'm addicted to. You know, really addicted. I don't like coffee, so this is my only way to get my caffein. I love the flavor, the energy it gives me, the cool cans, I just love it! :)
Of course, it's filled with calories. I only drink them after fasting days, as a reward. Hopefully, I'll get one tomorrow. It's been soooo long!

End of my list! Now, wasn't that fun? :)
Okay, so this bad. bad post actually ended out pretty great.
So, I'll leave you with that. Back to my diet coke and my Ugly Betty time.

I love you all, lovelies.
Stay strong, think thin!
- Bella

Oh, and just because it's been so long, I'll leave you with some pretty ladies to inspire you :)

Monday, July 4, 2011

Roskilde 2011

Hell yeah.
So, I'm home :)
Damn that was great.
I mean, I ate like a pig, and I've proberbly gained more than I'd thought posible.
But man, what an awesome experience!

The orange stage :)

The best thing?
My Chemical Romance played yesterday, and I was, like, right at the front. Like, up by the gate and such. It as so awesome! They were so cool. And Gerard was very... Naughty. There's no other way to say it. Damn! He kept making all those sex moves, and one time, he actually went down on all four, and starting doing, like, a sex-kitten move or something. It was very weird, and I loved every moment of it!

It was also very hot, and therefore, very sweaty. We were in line for 2 hours before the concert, and then theey played 1½ hour. The sun was straight down on os, it was hot as hell, and we were standing were close, jumping up and down. Plus, my #¤%& boyfriend forgot to pack the sunscreen. So now I am red, sore, tired, I smell bad and sweaty, and I've gaind, But I'll wait a couple of more hours until I cry about all those things. It was so great :)

This picture is from the actual concert. LOVE! <3

On saturday, I'll leave for Bulgaria with my family and the boyfriend. We'll be gone for 2 weeks, and I will not be able to update in all of that time. I'm so sorry lovelies. Don't ver think that I'm forgetting about you! I am not, trust me. I'm just tanning, laying in the pool, walking around some exotic towns and enjoying the sun. Nothing big, lol.

So, lovelies. I'll write you tomorrow,m and I gues I have to let you know what the scales says by the morning. Damn, I really don't want to do that. Well, there's no turning back now, no way to change what already has been done. But I swear, after living like a pig for the last week, I'm completly curred for all my cravings. I'll be satisfied for a looong time. See, you can always find something positive about the bad stuff, right?

Well lovelies, I'll write you tomorrow.
'Til then, think thin and stay strong!
- Bella