Monday, May 16, 2011

Blogger is really starting to get on my nerves...

So, I spend 3 days trying constantly to get online. Blogger kept telling me I couldn't, that there were something wrong with it. Then, when I was finaly able to come on, I spend an entire day reading all the entries I'd missed. And yesterday, I'd put on weight. Not very motivating, rigth?But then, today, as I stepped on the scales - I swear, I almost screamed! - because of zumba yesterday, I'd lost fucking 1,1 kg/2,4 lbs EVEN THOUGH I BINGED! Or, can you call it binging when it's been on for a month?

For the first time in a month, I'd lost weight... God, was that just the kick in my ass I needed? I swear, I've never been this motivated before!

In other news, school sucks. I've gotten a warning. If I get any more absence, written or present, I'm gonna get kicked out. Plus, I have to write all the reports I'm missing, which is, like, 10! Fml...
I've already got a plan for next year. There's NO WAY I'm gonna get kicked out of gymnasiet! It's waaaay to important to me! So next year, homework's before everything, even getting thin, loosing weight. I have to be able to get a good job, make some money, live! I can always exercise, fast and stuff when I'm done with my homeworks... God, please help me!

Don't really know what else to write, lol. I've already told you everything going on in my life present. Apparently, not a lot </3
Oh well. Fuck it. I'll just put in a picture and end this.

Goodbye for now lovelies.
Know that you mean the world to me!
I have no idea how I'd get through the day if it wasn't for you :)
Stay strong pretties!
- Bella 

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

I'm a slacker (quikie)

Yeah, sorry for not posting when I promised to.
It's not the first time I've done so.

Just wanted to share a quick update to let you know what's goin on in my life.
Which is the same as always. Binging.
My intake today:

1 egg-and-cucumber-sandwhich - 500 calories
1 müslibar w. chocolate - 215

Then the binging began.

1 apricot soda - 250
8 chocolate chip cookies - 1000 (I swear, the bow said so :o )

Fml </3

Good news: 
I stoped binging pretty quick. 8 cookies is not a lot for me. I'm glad. For the first time in a reaal long time, I felt like I had some self-controle hitten inside me. I've missed it so much <3

I'm trying out Zumba for the first time tonight. I'm going with my mom, and she's promised me that it'll be very fun, and that I'll love it. We'll see :)

Another good thing is, I was complaining to my dad about how my laptop was taking 30 minuts to open (no shit :o ) and how the stationary's scrren was dead. I had been unable to do most of my homework for half a year because of that. So, I was complaining about how I needed a new one, but couldn't afford it, and then, without even telling me, he went out to buy a brand new one, one of the really expensive ones with high RAM, lot's of space, webcam included, and a tons of other functions! Wow, I love him. Most of the time... He has his moments <3

Always look at the bright side of life, right?
(Insert Monthy Pyton song here)

Haha :)

So, I guess that's it. See you later ladies (or, write you later? Blog you later? I don't know! xD)
Be beautiful, stay strong <3
- Bella

Saturday, May 7, 2011


Decided to make me some goals, finally. To keep me motivated, you know :)
Thought I'd give them their own update. That way, I'll always be able to find them and look at them :)

80,0 kg/176,3 lbs - Gets to pierce my ears again
75,0 kg/165,3 lbs - Buy tickets to Black Veil Brides concert
70,0 kg/154,3 lbs - Shopping-trip to Copenhagen
65,0 kg/143,3 lbs - Gets to dye my hair red again
60,0 kg/132,3 lbs - Buy extensions for the red hair
55,0 kg/121,3 lbs - A tattoo symbolizing what I've been through. By that time, I'm gonna be 18 at least.

These are the goals that's going to inspire me.
I think I'll print a couple of them out, putting them up on my wall, having one in my wallet, having one in my bag all the time, stuff like that :)

Lol, guess that's it.
I'll write tomorrow, to let you know how the party went.
'Till then, goodbye lovelies
- Bella 

Friday, May 6, 2011

New plan! This is gonna be great :)

So, me and my mom sat down yesterday to make a diet plan.
We've come up with 2 sugestions for a day now, and are going find 2 or 4 more.
We're talking a healthy diet. A very healty.
It's all about avoiding carbs as much as posible, and only eating small portins of low-cal food.
If my mom counted on the calories in the diet, she would get mad.
Luckily, she doesn't. She's actually very supportive.

I've been obeese my whole life. My parrents have been there all the way, and after I'd tried fighting of the kilos/lbs's for a while, I gave up. And I got HUGE
 When I think back, I'm sorry that I put them through that. The very worst thing is that because I was like that, my sister has becomed like I was too. She is huge, even hugeer than I was back then. She 12, and weighs around 65 kg/143,3 lbs.
She did what I do, because even though she's never realized it, she's spent her whole life being me. Now she's gigantic because of me, and fighting to loose weigh. Since I've gotten my shit together, she woke up and realized how big she was. By then it was too late. I'm sorry Amanda. Forgive me, I love you.

So now, my parrents support every crazy diet-idea I get. Of course, I don't tell them about all of them. But they actually supports me when I come tell 'em "oh, I found a diet I wanny try. AGAIN". They've spend sooo much money on me, because they just want me to loose, and be the happy girl I can be.
If I'm loosing for anyone but me (and Nicolaj) it's them. My whole family's so important to me.
Mostly, I take them forgranded. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to make them proud, so we can all be happy together. And I wanna do it the right way, eating 3 healthy meals a day. As former said, I made a plan with my mom.

Just to get you guys an idea, one of the days sounds like this:

½ grapefruit
2 dl (6,8 oz) 0.1% yogurt
A very small handfull Bran Flakes to cover it

1 piece of rye bread w. a slice of low fat cheese
1 apple or pear

1 cup soup

Optional snack:
½ banana

Don't know about you guys, but it sounds pretty great to me :)

I believe that I can do this. That I can loose weight fast the healthy way.
I've got to start exercising more. My parrents pay big money eatch month so that I can go to the gym. But I don't. They're totally wasting all their money on me, and I feel bad about it. So I've talked to my mom about getting me on some team exercise, where you have to book a time to be there. It can be zumba, aerobic, step, pretty much everything you could imagine doing in teams. That way, I'd hvae to show up. No lazy ass excuse like "I'll do it tomorrow" or something.

So, as you can all hear, the future (my future, anyway) is looking good. Brighter. Thinner. Healthier. Prettier. I'm glad :)

Stay strong, lovely ladies.
I'll write you tomorrow if I find the time (I'm gonna be hosting a party, so have some preaparations to do :D)
Sorry for my bad-ass spelling on this post. The auto-correctur-thingy doesn't work on this computer, apparently ._.
Smile. Be bright. Be postive!
- Bella

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

So, here I am

Back with the looong post I promised you guys :D
So, the last 2 or 3 weeks have been awful. I haven't been binging several times. Just 1 fucking binge for, like, 3 weeks. I hate myself. Got on the scales this morning, so I had a start weight for my Russian Gymnast Diet (which I will be doing until I'm beneath 80 kg/176,4 lbs ). 85,5 kg/188,5 FUCKING lbs! Seriously. I was at 80,5 kg/177,5 lbs before that binge! So now, Russian Gymnast Diet that is.

Yesterday, I went to he saloon my grandpa's "girlfriend" (whom he've lived with for over 30 years) owns. We tried getting my hair back to it's natural light-blond colour. Of course, that's not easy, especially since my own hair was split into to colours, blond and black. So now, it's gotten an orange/bronze kind of colour. It looks terrible. So now it goes with the rest of me :/

Haven't had my orange juice yet. Can't get myself together to go out the door, and to the store. Can you believe it, 3 days ago I got sunburned (I do that a lot each summer), and today I woke up to frost and ice! Like, wtf? Dear Danish weather. Would you please get yourself together? So we can all stop being so confused, and never really know what to wear until it's to lat. Thank you.

Haven't been to school since Friday. I just really can't be bothered to. Tuesday there was no school. But Monday and today, Wednesday... I just didn't feel like it. I honestly can't do it. I can't.
So today, I convinced to boyfriend to stay home with me. We're down in "The Hut" (the local scouts - that's how we meat. I've been a scout since I was 8 :]) and just chilling. Watching Futurama online. That's about as much as I can do today.

I don't know why I started binging so hard.
I've been trying to figure it out, repeating it all in my head. I've got nothing.
I'm not an emotional eater. I'm just... Addicted to food. I hate eating. I hate feeling full! I hate it, honestly. I feel so bad and sick, I can't do anything afterwards. I just do it because I have to. Because I'm addicted to it. God. I'm a food junkie :/
Good luck getting thin, realizing that. Well, I'm gonna do it. I'm going into rehab :P

I'm so fat, when I looked in the mirror this morning, I could actually see the fat I've been gaining. I'm not just paranoid, my boyfriend told me he can too (made him speak the truth, even though it hurts :/). I really need to loose that, and I need to do it very fast!
God, how did I get this big again? I promised myself I'd never see that number on the scale again! I feel so huge. Like a failure.
If there's one thing I've learned, it's never to give up. Yes, I've gotten even fatter than I was before. But I won't anymore. From now on, I'll be loosing weight. That's all I'm gonna do. I'm gonna be beautiful and pretty, even if I'm gonna use the next 10 years not eating! I will, I will, I will. I must.

So girls, that's it for today. I promise, I'll write soon.
It won't be as long as the last time. Promise <3
Stay strong, you wonderful girls.
Think thin.
I love you all (all 40 of you now. Wow! :o)
- Bella

Monday, May 2, 2011


Is my new plan...

Sorry for not updating for soooo long. I don't have the time now. I'm sorry.
Just a quick update to let you know I'm breathing, I'm a failure, and I will post tomorrow, no matter what!

I love you all soooo much! I'm sorry.
Stay strong, and I'll write tomrrow. A looong post. Promise <3
- Bella