Tuesday, July 26, 2011

*Insert attractive titel here*

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who commented on my last post! All those things you said, it meant so much to me! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being there for me when I really needed it, when I was really down. I love you guys so much!
I guess you could say everythings back to normal.
I ate today, after 45 hours of fasting. Two wheat buns, half a slice of bacon, and a small handful of nuts and raisins. I've calculated it, and it's only around 500 calories. I wont eat any more today. Don't know about tomorrow. We'll see. Depends on the mood.

Weighed in at 85,5 kg/188,5 LBS this morning. I'm crossing my fingers that I'll be beneath 85 kg/187,4 tomorrow. Maybe I wont, after eating the buns. Then I'll make it for the next day. I'm pretty sure I haven't gained, eating 500 calories and bike-riding today. Not that it was a long trip. But on a normal day, I wouldn't even have been on it. So it should be alright. I guess. I hope.

Lately, I've been listening a lot to the song "Starving for Attention" by Geri Karlstom and "The voice" by Celtic Woman. They are so perfect. They both desribe it all so well, all those things that I can't say. Somehow...

Bones are beautiful
My drug of choice
Striving for perfection
And I'm driven to
Run to you
In the wrong direction
How does that make you feel?
Why can't I make you see?

Mom and Daddy look
It's your little girl
Starving for attention
Too much on my plate
Things that I can't face
Starving for attention

I can't be myself
The mirror tells
Lies and says I'm ugly
Am I really here?
I cut my skin
It takes a knife to find me
I can't make me feel
So now I have to bleed

Mom and Daddy look
It's your little girl
Starving for attention
Too much on my plate
Things that I can't face
Starving for attention

Hungry empty
Lost in her pain
She can't tell you
So she slowly fades away

Mom and Daddy look
It's your little girl
Dying for attention
Too much on her plate
Things that she can't face
Starving for attention
Craving your attention
She's dying for your attention

Do you know that feeling?
When a song desribes you, your situation, your relationships, or maybe your mood, just perfect? And you feel like "wow, this song could be written for me!".

I get that feeling all the time. It is in so many songs that I hear. Mostly 'cause that's what I like the best. Song that I can relate to. Don't we all?

Simple Plan - Perfect desribes me and my dad perfectly.
Rachel Ferguson - Never good enough describes my self esteem so well!
Celtic Woman - The voice describes my Ana-realtionship shockingly good.
John Mayer ft. Taylor Swift - Half of my heart describes my realtionship exacly.
Britt Nicole - When she cries describes my everyday life spot on.

I could go on. But I'm pretty sure you all know what I mean, right?
There's always all those songs, and you know you can always turn to them for support and understanding. You start to believe that there are others who feel the same way you do. And it's just so wonderful!
That's why music has always ment so much to me. Ever since I was 9, music has been my guide, my enemy, my best friend, my love, and my biggest support.
Music is God's gift to the humans!
Thank you Lord...

So girls, with those words of wisdom, I will leave you.
Think thin, all you beautiful ladies.
Stay strong! And know I will always be there if you need any support, if you feel like laying out your heart for someone who doesn't know you and wont judge you, or if you just need someone to listen.
I love you all!
- Bella


  1. I know that feeling very well. Sometimes it even happens with a song i've heard a million times, and never really listened to the lyrics before. Music is indeed God's gift to mankind. It helps you through so much.