Sunday, November 27, 2011

There's nothing glamorous about hanging over a toilet...

Behind closed doors I lay again
Knees on the floor, head in the bin
No one's here, it's just me and her
She looks so weak
Too weak to speak
Soon, I'll be just like her

She takes my hand and gives it a squece
”Until they're out, you'll never find peace”
My mind does not belong to me
It's all hers
It's all just blurs
Soon, I'll be free

I lock the door and I mask the sounds
I'll do anything not to be found
And I know what they're all thinking
”She's out of controle”
”She's loosing it all”
Soon, I'll be shrinking


I feel like I'm not done with it. But I just can't come up with any more.
You know, once I could spit out poems faster than you could count to ten. Now, it's a struggle just to get started. Not to say how long it is since I finnished a poem that I was satisfied with...


  1. girl don't worry. I purged today too. As soon as i decided to stop with the 30 day fast and just go back to one 5 day fast per week, i binged and HAD to purge... dont feel bad.

    Here is what I had(all eaten within 20 mins, i just kept driving around):
    16 fried chicken wings with hot sauce,
    THen From subway - 2 white chocolate macadamia nut cookies
    THen From Starbucks - 1 huge white chocolate macadamia nut cookie, a peanut butter cupcake, a mint brownie cake pop, and a double chocolate brownie
    THen From Second Cup - a HUGE piece of red velvet cake, Like the biggest chocolate cupcake I have ever seen (seriously and I've seen lots!) with strawberry flavored icing, and a ginger molasses cookie.
    and then THREE Cups of Kellogs All Bran.. WHAAT???

    yeah, over 5000 calories.

    HAHAHHA SOOOO BAD, but at least I'm laughing and writing out a new plan as I type! LOL Cause I still have to be down to 135 by Dec3 and below 130 by Dec 26! You are not alone.


  2. I purged too. No idea why. It's actually sort of comforting in a way for me which sounds mental.

    I always end up writing poetry on about my eating disorder and then realise that, even though it is quite good, I can't exactly go and show somebody it. My English teacher was asking me about my poetry and I had to dodge her asking me to bring some in haha.

    I hope you are alright. xxx

  3. It's a good poem even if it's not finished. I hope someday you'll be able to complete it.

  4. Love your poetry, darling. :)
    It is wonderful.
    Sorry to hear that you purged.
    Just take it one day at a time.
    You can do this.
    Keep your chin up.
    Hang in there. <3

  5. I love the poetry doll. I know what it feels like unfinished though. I'm sad that you purged, but because you feel bad about it. Much love

  6. i purged all through college and rotted out 8 of my teeth. be careful