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Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Weekly weigh-in + I'm not "fat" anymore...

CW: 82,7 kg/182,3 lbs (BMI 29,7)
Loss: 1,9 kg/4,2 lbs
GW1: 78 kg/171,9 lbs (BMI 28)
 
I did it girls! I really, really did it! My BMI is officially beneath 30, which means that I am not "fat" any more. I'm just overweight.
Of course I'm still fat, I know that. I'm so close to 30 that it doesn't really count. And of course, I don't go from fat not not-fat in one week - wish I did. But I don't.
But still, just the fact. I mean, BMI doesn't mean much to me, but it's just such a victory that I can't help but feel I've achieved something. Something big!
I have been beneath 30 before. And I ruined it, absolutely shattered it. I will not do that again. I never, mark my words NEVER go back over again. Never again shall I be clinical fat. Never never never never never never!!!

Oh, and that's why i bought the Ben & Jerry's. To celebrate. Plus, I made my goal (a goal that I gave myself Monday) of reaching beneath 83 kg/182,9 lbs by this weigh-in. I have already eaten and purged my lunch. I have decided not to purge the ice cream, 'cause that would just take away the joy of eating it. Plus, it takes me waaay more than 30 minuts to eat the whole thing, 'cause it keep melting, and then I have to put it in the freezer again. So it can take a while, haha :)

 
Today is a good day. In some ways. I'm in a real good mood. Sadly, that also means eating without feeling guilty. Which is what I'm doing at the exact moment. But boy, is this sandwich goooood!It's been so long since I've enjoyed eating enough to not even think about purging. I want this sandwich in my stomac, it's that good!
I'll probably regret later, and then want to purge, but it'll be too late. And then I'll end up purging the ice cream anyway. I just know I will, because I know myself.
But right now, I can't seem to fucking care.

Something amazing happend yesterday. I wrote all that stuff about being a bad girlsfriend, and not being able to feel the love that I know I have for Nicolaj, right? Well, I saw him last night because he was down bu the scouts - his mom is our leader, and he was helping out planning something. And as soon as I saw him, a huge smile just came across my face, my heart began beating faster, butterflies apperead inside my stomac. We even had a water fight! We laughed, and we chased eachother, and he made me so happy. We spend one hour that night just laying in my bed talking, his arm around me the whole time. It was so movie like, I can't believe it!
It's like, I go a month without talking about it, hoping it will go away, and it doesn't.
Then I talk to you guys about it, and the next time I see him, all gone! And of course I told him about it too. I don't want to have any secrets from him, so I just let him read what I wrote in here to you guys. And he took it so well, since I kept assuring him that I didn't feel like that at all.
Maybe I should just tell you girls about every single problem I have, and hope that they just magivally dissapear, huh? :)


So girls, break is over, and I gotta go make some serious school work.
We're working in independent groups today, and we're only two in mine.
Me, and my awesome ED friend (just because I know she'll read this).

I love you girls.
I really, really, really do!
So much :)

Stay strong, think thin and be beautiful!
- Bella

2 comments:

  1. That is AWESOME!!!!! I'm so happy for you!! Keep it up, gorgeous!! :D

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  2. Yey! Well done! Just keep going :)

    xx

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