Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Can you hear me? Fly! Butterfly, say bye-bye.

Don't ask me why, I don't know. I was just thinking about butterflies!

I am doing good at the moment girls. I'm actually losing. I have tried out so many diets, and every time they have worked out the same - small or no loss at all, then gaining afterwards. But now, now girls, it's working! I'm not following a diet. I don't even make plans for the tomorrow, the today, not even for the next meal. I eat when I feel like I can't starve any more, and I puge if I eat something that I know will make me gain. It's so simple. I can't believe I didn't do this from the start. Imagine what I could weigh by now then? What I will weigh in one month, six months, one year? I'm so startled at the thought. I can't wait to see!

I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow. Though I better warnn you, my post will be later than usually 'cause it's OD-day. It's this day that is once a year, where every gymnasium-student (it's like the two last years in high-school and first year at college I think?) gets a choice: you can get one day of school without absence, or you can spend 5 hours working and donate the money to a good cause. The cause changes every year, and this year it's Peru. It's like, they have a lot of small, poor villages lying spread in the jungle, the originals in Peru. Their water are poisened 'cause of factories laying near-by, but they are so poor, they have no other opportunity than drinking the poisened water and work for the same factories that poisened their water. It's so surealistic. I can't even start to imagine living like that.
As you may already have concluded from my little speach, I'm working for Peru. Good thing is, I won't be able to eat durring the 6 hours I'm actually due at work. Bad thing is, I will be updating late, since I have no acces to a computer. But I will update!

I'm sooo hungry! But I have promised myself I won't waste my money on food there at the school, when I can be home in a few hours and have something completely for free! I already bought an apple here, and it wasn't even good. Total waste of money. So I guess I'll just have to hang in a bit longer.
Also, I have found myeslf to purge even if I eat beneath the 800 calorie limit I made myself. So now I have decided that, same as all those diets, I just doesn't work good with plans. So I won't plan it. If I feel like purging whatever I just ate, I'll do it. There'll probably be a reason why I want to purge it, right?
It's over with me and rules. From now on, I'll do whatever the fuck I want to. It's clearly working, and has been for over a week (a week is a long time for me to follow same diet/plan), so why not?

Went to the gym yesterday, but was feeling real lazy, and at the same time, I was really busy, so I ended up doing 10 minuts on the exercise bike and 10 minuts on the treadmill, then just tonning for the rest. Sigh. Scouts tonigh, gym again tomorrow (after work) and Thursday. Work Friday and Sunday. Oh God, it's only Tuesday, and I feel like I've already spend my whole week. How did I get that busy? And if you notice girls, homework aren't even included in that. That's because I never make them. I'm so never going to graduate. I can't even bother. Can't think of anything but skinny-skinny-skinny-skinny-skinny. Double sigh.

Damn I'm hungry!
Maybe I'll end up spending the money anyway.
I have gotten so weak after starting to purge.
So hungry all the time.

Oh, and another birthday in my class = more cake.
But I won't fucking eat that shit.
No thanks.
I don't even feeli like it?

Well, for now, take care of yourself all my lovely butterflies.
I love you all so much!
Stay strong, think thin, be beautiful!
- Bella


  1. purging is addictive! i'm haven't kept much down in the past two days. by that i mean, the minute it enters my mouth, i enter the bathroom.
    just be careful, sweetheart. purging can be harmful after all. *hypocrite here* i know how it is. when you do it yourself, you don't give a damn, but when someone else does it, you get up their case XD...still. forewarning either way. <3
    yes. with purging, you have this insatiable appetite. which is why when a lot of people discover purging, they eat more than they do when they restrict it. :3
    i've never purged cake. i bet it tastes the same going out as it did going in! xD. i know ice cream does.
    ^__^ love you, Bella.

    -Sam Lupin

  2. Purging is so addictive... eat... then magically make it go away. float away. burn away....

    but yes, just like Sam said, be careful....

    I'm here.