So, I totally fucked up Friday and Saturday. I was doing so well Friday, and then when I came home from work, my parrents had ordered pizza for dinner. My fucking favorit pizza!!! And there was, like, 1 whole pizza left over. I am so weak. I ate the fucking whole thing. I don't even want to think about the calories in that thing. And I didn't purge. Why didn't I purge?!?!?!?!
Then yesterday, I was so depressed about me being a pig, I just kept going. I didn't even have the time to purge, 'cause I was fucking eating all the time. From the time I stood up, on work even, and until I feel asleep. Fuck me...
So, I'm just going to pretend it never happend. Today is day two of ABC, and I'm allowed 500 calories. I will not eat them, though. I need to make up for the weight I've put on, so I'm fasting until I see that number again. And longer than that. I'm aiming to beat my record (which is not very big). I want to fast until Friday, at least, meaning that Friday is not part of my fast. That way, I won't break the ABC either. I'll stay beneath my limit, I swear. My only calories will come from juice, to make sure I don't pass out. And not too much of that either.
Going to the gym today. Will go to the gym tomorrow and Thursday. Scouts Tuesday, no food this time.
It's alright. I'll make up for this, and I'll do it in record time. I will not have gained when I weigh in Wednesday. I will not!
Spend all of yesterday fasting, and it was so very easy. I even told my mom that I wanted to have my dinner in my room, because I had some homework to do. And what does my stupid parrents do? Forget it, then forces me to have dinner with everyone else because Nicolaj is there, and apparently it's too much if we both go into the room.
Seriously, what could I say to avoid it? I have run out of excuses, I'm using the same agian and again, more half-hearted for everytime I use them. I have been looking for more online, but it is so rare that I find something I don't already have tried, or know doesn't work. You see, my parrents aren't that easy getting around. I learned form when I was you that if they say I have to do something, I have to do it. If I can't win them over in the first 5 minuts, I will not be able to win them over at all. And if I make a big scene and deny to eat anything, they are gonna kill me.
If you girls can help me, please do it. Just write whatever works the best for you, I'll be so greatfull for every bit of help I can get!
Damn, why does it always have to be so freaking cold on this school? Like, seriously! I'm wearing my beloved Roskilde Festival-pull-over, and I'm still shudering. I'm shudering girls, inside! With no snow outside too.
Heard that northern US has gotten a huge amount of snow. Any of you guys from there? I you are, I hope everything is right! I still do, of course. I'm not a bad person.
I Denmark, it's pretty normal that the first snow falls in November, then disapears, then comes back from December. The last snow melts in late March or early April as the rule. So we have almost half a year with snow. Can you say SCANDINAVIA? And of coruse, as if it wasn't enough that I have to live in the cold Scandinavia, I also have to live in the only flat Scandinavian country. Norway, Sweden and Finland have got wonderfull hills. But Denmark, ooooh no. No skiing for me, no sir. I can get so mad about that. If we must have snow, at least let me ski!
So, gotta go. English class begings in 3 minuts, and I have to perform a play from a story we are reading, along with two others persons. One of them isn't here, so maybe we'll get off? Cross your fingers for me girls!
I love you all. Sorry about my messing up.
Please forgive me.
I love you.
Stay strong, think thin, be beautiful!
- Bella ♥
Update: Also, I've reached 100 followers!!!!!
Holy crap girls, how the hell did that happen?
I can't believe so many people are willing to read this crap...
I can't believe so many people are willing to read this crap...
Seriously, you guys means so much to me.
I love you, I really do, despite the fact that I have never even met you.
You have become so important to me girls.
I can't imagine life without you (now I just sounds cheesy)
Seriously girls. Thank you so much!
I love you! <3
Oh lovely Bella! I was starting to miss you!
ReplyDeleteThe only way I avoid eating is lying, saying I'm sick, making it look like I ate some of my food, and just not 'eating' around my folks. That is the only way I can do it...and you've probably already tried those.
We haven't got snow here, yet. But I am in the Northern US. From all of the people that I've talked too and my family everyone seems to be alright!
Good luck, darling!
when i was in school, i would avoid eating breakfast and lunch, and then after school i would go to the gym and work out as long as I could. I usually had to eat dinner with my family... but at that point I had burned enough calories for it to be okay.
ReplyDeleteI have gotten beyond a point of caring if people see me not eating. I just usually say I don't feel like eating. Or I'm not eating because I don't feel like it. Usually if I have class I say I ate a shiton before I came home. I don't care if people know that I don't wanna eat. Maybe they won't freak out too much until you're uber skinny! Scandinavia FTW! Xo
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ReplyDeleteBella,
ReplyDeleteI understand that mentality of continuing to eat because you already screwed up. I used to say to myself, "I've already been bad, I may as well be really bad!" But that is your fat side talking! Don't listen! Even if you've already binged on 2000 calories, dont eat those last 1700 cause thats ANOTHER half a pound! THink of it like this.. "Yeah I've already been bad, but im going to be strong and stop this cycle now and fast" That's what I'm trying.
anyways.. my excuses...
- I always tell people that I have eaten with someone else already, or that I am planning on eating with "so-and-so later and I'm SOO excited to eat that I don't want to spoil it now!" and I throw on a big grin!
- I try to go home late enough in the evenings that I can say that I have already eaten.
-Basically I just make a mess of a plate or bowl or whatever with crumbs and then when my mom does call for dinner.. "oh shoot mom sorry I was so hungry I couldn't wait! But I would love to sit and have a tea with you while you eat!" that way you don't end the excuse with the fact that you aren't eating, but with the fact that you WANT to spend time with her or your family or whatever.
- worst comes to worst, scoop food into your mouth and then absentmindedly get up like you just have to do something that you just remembered and have a bag ready around the corner or in another room to spit it out in. The best is if you can make it seem like you are running around trying to organize something or getting ready to go. That way you can take a few bites and just spit them all out. It's sad I know, but im such a "rusher/scatterbrain type" that it's believable coming from me.
I'm sure you've tried them all, but good luck xxox
I sometimes say I'm gonna go to a friends house to get out of dinner and then just walk or visit the library or something instead. Start pretending your social life is starting to get reaally busy to stay away from home more, that works best if you do an up&down type thing, busy this week, not as much the next ect. good luck!
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