Oh dear...

I'm so sorry girls. I know this happens almost every time. I'm just... I'm just really not that motivated. I always think "Tomorrow, I'll have much more to write about. Tomorrow, I'll have the time". And then I'll postpone it again. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm so sorry.

Good news is, I'll have lots and lots of time to update this week.

The boy left yesterday. He and his class is currently in Budapest, Hungary. I have no contact to him at all, except the one text I get a day. And send.

I've started a fast. I don't know hoe long it'll last. I'm trying for "Until he gets back". But that's very ambitious. I've never done more than 2½ day, and that only one time. Over a year ago.

In 15 minuts, I'll be through with the first 24 hours.

My schedule is pretty busy this week. No time for eating. My only calorie-intake with come from juice. Else, it's water and diet-coke.

I will be working out as much as posible. Which is twice. But when I do, instead of 1½ hour, I'll do 3 or more, so that I can make up for the other days.

Sunday - Work

Monday - Gym

Tuesday - Scouts

Wednesday - Gym

Thursday - He's back <3

My weight this morning encouraged me. I won't tell you how much it is, 'cause it's not Wednesday. But Since yesterday (though I did weigh after eating my last meal, hopefully for 5 days) I have lost 1,2 kg/2,6 lbs. That is a lot in 1 day girls, even for a fattie like me, who have lots to lose from.

So I'm motivated.

Planning on going to the groceries in the lunch break, buying tons of juice. Apple and orange only. I don't like the mixed ones, or any of the other flavours. If I do this, I must be quick. I cannot walk past anything that will tempt me, 'cause I have the money to buy it. I do not want to ruin this now! I'm scarred...

As for yesteday, I had a breakfast consisting of 1 piece of whole-grain-toast w. 1½ slice of cheese. Very very fat cheese. 2 glasses of orange juice. 2 glasses of chocolate milk.

Does this sound bad? Then I don't want to talk about my weekend.

Cookies. Chocolate. Candy. Pizza...

There's only one good thing about this. In 3 days, I had 4 big number 2's (Sorry if it's tmi). So instead of gaining 2 kg/4,4 lbs, I only gained about 1 kg/2,2 lbs. And I lost that over the night. Can't wait to weigh in tomorrow. And even better, can't wait to make an awesome official weigh-in Wednesday!

I am sooo tried. I honestly cannot face having 2 more lectures, and then gym for several hours! But I have to do it. And truly, I do love the gym. i love the feeling of working out, and everytime I'm down there, I just want to keep on going, forever! It's the thought about having to go down there. Fortunately, I remembered my book this morning. And I just started it, so I have hours of reading left. It's great to read on the exercise-bike. When I'm not watching TV. I've got entertainment enough for hours girls, and fruit-juice enough to keep my body up to it (once I buy it xD)! This time, I will not fail.

Oh, 24 hours into my fast by now. Lovely <3

When I get home today, I'm gonna download all my lovely ana/thinspo songs. I did it once, and listened to them in my Ipod all the time. But then I got a new computer, and I'd deleted them from the old one. So I lost every single one of them. And I have a lot girls, believe me.

When I get them back, I'll be so freaking motivated all the time. It's like, when I'm about to give up, I'll just put in my earplugs and sing along with the songs until I'm back on track again. I also used to work out to them, though mostly when I was doing the weights, since lots of them is too slow to do cardio to. But then again, I don't listen to music when doing cardio. I watch TV or read, as before mentioned xD

 

 I love you all so much, my butterflies. Believe me, even when I don't write, I still think about you all the time. You are all so freaking important to me! Thank you all, for always being there for me. You girls are too good for me. I don't deserve all the love and support given to me. Thank you so much!

I'm gonna go buy some fruit-juice now, and then I'll make my way through Spanish and Religion, all the way down to the gym where I will kick ass!

Until then, my butterflies,

stay strong, and never give up hope!

You are beautiful, every single one of you.

And I'm serious. It's not just something I'm saying.

I've looked at all of you, you're blogs and your pictures.

And you truly are beautiful!

Stay strong lovelies!

- Bella ♥