Eaten 217 so far. If I do eat any more, it'll be apples only. But I don't think I will. I've decided that to make up for yesterdays mess-up, I'll stay beneath 325 today. That way, I won't have started the ABC with failing. At least, that's what I tell myself. Deep inside me, I know that I failed. I started a new diet, and I failed on the very first day. I am seiously dissapointed in myself, and even though I know the best thing is to keep positive, I can't get my mind to accept that. I'm the the hating-myself kind of mood.
It's funny, I always tell everybody to stay strong an be positive, that no matter how bad it is, it can be undone. That it's just a matter of getting back up on the horse. Not just when commenting, but also to my friends and family. I always seem like such a cheerful, optimistic person. But almost all my posts are made while I'm feeling real depressed, mad or just numb, and even if I don't always seem like it, I'm a ral pessimist. I'm always expecting the worst for myself, and for everyone else, for that matter.
Maybe 10%, if not less, of my posts are positive. Damn I'm a hypocrit. (See, self-loathing pessimistic kind of crap.)
Scouts tonight. We're supposed to make a 3-course meal for ourself, and some tasting for the leader. On a very very low budget, believe me. It's a competition between the diffrent patrols. I'm the leader of Rhe Rams. Used to be a Unicorn. But I was a ram first, so when I had the opportunity, I went back. My love rams.
Seriously, I'm not just saying this, we really are the best patrol down there. I'm probably the best scout, along with me friend Mie who's the leader of The Mooses. And I have some of the better young scouts.
Not sure if we win tonight, though. The other other patrol's leaders, Mie and Mikke (siblings, lol) are both attending a cooking-school. Mikkel is striving to be a chef, while Mie wants to be a nutrition assistant, cooking all sort of healthy food. So they both have some benefits that I don't. It would be so cool to win tonight! Beat the at their own game.
We're making an all vegetarian-meal. Normally, that would give a bonus, 'cause it's harder. But nooo, the stupid leaders want meat. Well, I don't care. As a starter, we're making a sort of omelette with mushrooms found in the nature. Main course is some vegetarian meatballs, with a lot of shit from the nature. Dessert is apples (homegrown) with brown suggar and cinnamon, roasted on coal until tender. Everything is to be prepared over a fire.
I won't eat any of it, of course. But even if I did (which I will NOT! It's only a statement), it doesn't sound too unhealthy, right? :)
I've started listening to this GREAT band called Hey Monday, and the lead singer is just absolutely GORGEUS, even though she's not really that skinny! Apperently, one of their songs have been used in an episode of Glee. Well, I've never seen the show.
They make amazing songs. Though theyre' mostly a bit quiet, there's still something really rock-ish over them. Like Avril Lavignes quiet songs, you know. You know it's some rock-chick who've made them, even though the song might as well could've been sung by Rihannah or something.
But seriously. Cassadee Pope, as she is called, is just crazy beautiful! I love alternative bands with female lead singers, like Paramore and The Pretty Reckless. And Hey Monday now. And they're all just so beautiful. The best thinspo is always the persons you look up to the most.
Lol, you guys - girls, lol - do get what I'm saying, right?
Girls, I thought I'd give you a little challenge.
I want you too leave a comment posting the link to a song that decribes you and/or your ED the best, why you chose that song, plus what kind of ED it is.
I'm doing this so that we can all learn a little bit more about each others ED's. It is, after all, the reason why we're all here :)
I'll start. My eating disorder is a mix of anorexia and binge eating-disorder, a really fucked combination. After I've discovered purging though, I feel like I'll might switch the binge eating-disorder with bulimia in the future. Not full-blown bulimia. Only when I binge, where before, I wouldn't have done anything about it.
The song that descirbes my relationship to my ED the best is Geri Karlstrom - Starving for attention.
I chose this because it describes how my ED started more acuratly than I would be able to myself.
Looking forward to hearing your videos, and learn a bit more about you all :)
I love you girls, okay?
I really, truly love you.
So much more than I ever though posible when I first started this blog.
You are my world girls.
Stay strong, think thin, be beautiful!
- Bella ♥