Tuesday, August 30, 2011

My last serenade

Don't be surprised
These last words
My last hour of my last day
I've taken all the sorrow
I can bear, yo
And now I think I'll turn
Turn and walk away
As I wipe cause the tears are filling up my eyes
Feel like I got nothing left to love in my life
20 years of age and its time to say goodbye
Cause I don't even want to try
To make it through night
Tell them to forget the show tonight
And I don't wanna sing
Tell them I've given up alright
And it don't even mean a thing
Make sure the headlines say
I did it for love

Dearly beloved butterflies out there
You guys all mean so, so much to me
You have all been there for me when I needed it the most
To support me
To give me advise
You guys have shown med how big a diffrence love and support can make
You are so very dear to me
My lovelies

I can't do this any more. I'm so sorry.
I can't ruin myself, and my life, like this.
I still want to lose weight so, so bad.
But not like this. This is not right.
So I'm going to do this the right way.
The hard, slow, healthy way.
I just can't do this any more.

I want to be normal.
At this point, I think I want it more than being thin.
I've lost sight of my goal.
Whatever I had in mind when I started all this,
I don't recal.
So I'm going to try and do this right.
Eat 3 meals a day, exercising.
No fasting. No restraining.
A healthy, balanced diet.

I can't be a butterfly
When I was never a caterpillar...


I will still be updating my blog.
But it'll be about my trying to lose weight, the healthy way.

I hope, some day, I can be an inspiration to all of you girls out there.
That I can show you how it is posible to lose weight without starving.
Eating doesn't have to suck. You don't have to hate food. You don't have to feel guilty all the time.
The thing is, with Ana, you can never win. You will never be good enough for her. She's like a godess. And no matter how hard you try, you'll never be more than human.
So this is my godbye to Ana. 
Hopefully, forever.
I'll never forget all the things she thought me. I'll never forget how strong I am. How much I can push myself.
But I'll use it right this time. I'll do this right.

Dear lovelies
I hope you all find happiness in your life
One day, it's going to happen
And you're gonna be beautiful
And happy
And good enough
I love you all
So, so much
- Bella ♥


  1. Good for you Bella!! And Yaaay for you :) I have been worried about you reading your blog and see that you are doing my mistakes over and over.

    I am glad that you made this decision and I know you will be great.. It is so easy to forget that it took us years to put on the weight to get rid of it as fast as we "wish" for it to..

    GL :) You will do great.

  2. I've been doing it since April. :) Expect a little gain in the beginning, and be very slow about increasing your intake. Green tea and exercise to jumpstart the metabolism. If you need any tips, I'm absolutely here. much love, so proud of you. :)

  3. I'm unbelievably happy for you :)
    I'm sure you won't remember but ages ago when you started doing ABC, I wasn't your biggest supporter because I don't believe it's a long term thing.

    So I'm really happy that you've decided to do this the healthy way, there will be bumps along the way and you will wanna go back to starving (because it is faster)

    I wish you all the best :)

    For a moment there I thought you were saying goodbye to blogging but I'm so glad you're just changing focus :)

  4. Good for you, mi amor.
    I believe I can't. Right now, it's very much a control trait. I don't even know how much I weigh and sometimes it doesn't matter because I am in control in my own way. A slave to my own addiction.
    We're with you throughout it all and as Olivia Lee, expect to gain weight in the beginning (don't freak out!). Eat something around what you should be eating to maintain. Then drop it to lose. <3 Good luck, sweetheart.