Sunday, August 14, 2011

I'll do it tomorrow... No, I'll do it now!

Why is it always that the new diet starts tomorrow?
Why is it that we always have to push it away.
"February 31th."

Sorry for not posting lately. I have been quiet the yo-yo lately. Also, I've had lots to see to.
Tomorrow, school begins again. Ask me if I'm looking forward to this? Yes. No. Maybe?
School equals stress, failing, hard work, attention. Bad. It also equals habbits. A stressed work day for my parrents means they are not nearly as up on the food part. It's easier to tell them I'm woth friends, that I've already eaten, all those things, you know.

As I'm writing this, half a pizza is standing in front of my. I already ate the other half.
I'm not really hungry. But I have the flavour of it in my mouth, and I'm not full-full. Half my brain is saying "why waste it now, when you're gonna fail in a couple of days anyway, and then the money for this will be wasted?", the other half say "you ugly fat waste of space. Why are you eating that shit? It's not wating it. You're not going to fail this time. Things will change now!"
The last voice is right.
Things are going to change.
Despite my yo-yoing, I have still put on weight. I don't want to step on the scale tomorrow, 'cause I know it's past the weight I told I would never get past again. So will it be the day after, as well.
Tomorrow is monday. A great day to to start a new diet.
*Just took a bite of pizza*
I am a useless wasted of air. I am using a new diet as an excuse to eat like shit today.
I am nothing, right now.

As of tomorrow, I will be a new me.
Someone who isn't a wate of space, someone who is something.
I will be restricting, and counting, and exercising.
I will be focused, with my goals in mind.
I will set up goals, and dates by when they should be reached.
And I will reach them.
I will loose and loose.
I won't binge.
I will be proud.
And I will be updating you guys they whole time, on calories, eaten and burned, on weight progress, on everything!
*Just finnished pizza*

Sigh. I am going to be everything that I am not, currently.
And everything I am now, I will change.
I will be pretty.
I will be thin.
I will be happy.

Inspiration. Thinspiration. Motivation.
(All os those are taken from They are not made by me, and the credits goes to the girl behind that Tumblr page)

Well girls, I'll go feel bad about myself some more I'll go make a plan for the next week or so. Then, after that week, seeing the results of that, I'll make something for the a month at a time, goals, exercise, all those things. I'll go... Do something recreational.

Stay strong ladies.
Prove to me that you are nowhere as weak as me.
I love you all!
Really, I love you.
Think think!
- Bella


  1. Oh come on.. you not excited for new school year? Think about it that way: ROUTINE- you can plan your meals to the minute. You can keep occupied with school work and actually get better at everything during it :), you will have thinspirations in your classes. It will be easier to hide undereating from family. :)Early morning getting up = more kcal burned during the day :D

  2. I'd kind of kill for pizza right now. I think. I don't know. I've not had it in months (excluding eating a wee bit when drunk) and can't remember the taste of it.

    You are not a useless piece of air though! In my unfocused pre-occupied state of mind I put hair at first. Made me giggle at first lol. Yeah, I'm sort of lame when fasting. :P

    Take care of yourself and keep your chin up. Once you get a routine planned out you'll find it much easier. I know I always find it easier when it's time for college because I have something to keep me busy.

  3. Hey! I think it's normal people always ant to start the other day... I think you kinda need to prepare for such things :) I hope you'll be able to stick to all of your goals! I believe you can, if you want you absolutely can!
    And don't worry to much about that pizza! I know pizza is one of those things you always feel bad about but one will not kill you, really!
    Wish you good luck!

  4. Hey! You should be excited for the new year. A new beginning, you can keep yourself busy with school so you don't think as much about food, more people will ask you have you lost weight 'cause I'm sure you will:)
    and don't worry everyone has needs to start some other day, it's more important that you start it.
    really loved all that thinspo, read it three times!!
    Good luck and take care! <3