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Tuesday, August 9, 2011

As promised

So girls, here you have the long post I promised to do yesterday.
I'd like to explain my 3-day binge. But I can't. It was just a regular binge, caused by being hungry and having to little selfcontrole. I'm done with that, though.
Decided to drop the ABC totally. I failed again. At least I tried.
I just can't do it. It's to damn hard to have someone else decide what to eat for 50 days. That's too long. To know when you are supposed to fast, when you can eat nothing but salad, and when you can eat some bread as well. I'd rather make my own plans, and just take it one week at a time. So I'll do that.

Good news: my parrents decided that we all needed to lose weight (Me & sister, yes. Brother & dad, a bit. Mom, no way. She's so skinny already, I hate her for it!), so we are going to have less unhealthy stuff in the house, and we are going to eat smaller portions. This is great, since it gives me a ton of excellent excuses to either skip dinner altogether, or at least eat very little.

Weighed in at 84,1 kg/185,4 lbs. have put on 1,6 kg/3,5 lbs in 3 days. i'm not too worried. Weight put on that fast can go off just as fast.
Today, I've had 2½ pieces of bread (230), mackerel in tomato (250), and a bit of egg salad (40). Oh, and two x-rays (cheap energy drink) (200), and some vegetarian beef-replacement (300) so my total intake is 1020. I've been to zumba for half an hour, and a (very) brief turn on the exercise bike, so my output should bee about 650 or so. Which makes my net total beneath 400.

I feel so full. The fact that it got over 1000 really gets to me. I usually never allow myself to get past 800 without calling it a binge. But I have come to realize that I need to eat more, since my low intake is the reason I binge once a week. So I'm aiming for 800-100 calories a day, and then zumba 3 times a week, and whatever I feel like the other days. I do have to exercise an hour at least every day. That's my new rules.
Oh, and no more than 600 calories from carbs. I eat way to much bread.
More fruit an veggies, please! I'm just so fussy. Well, I don't eat it for the taste! I eat it cause it's good for me, because I need to, in order to lose weight.


Oh God help me, school begins again on monday. Wah!
I hate that thing. I have no friends in my class, I do bad in every subject, I am not good at listening when the teachers are talking, homeworks and I will never be united, and it makes me so tirred and stressed. I hate education. I'm sure I'll hate working too. I'm the type to be a housewife. To just go home everyday. I wouldn't mind the cleaning and cooking and shopping and all that shit. I would be happier that way.
The only thing making me not drop out (okay, there's 2 things) is that 1) my father would kill me. No, not really. But he would throw me out and cut me off, and as much as I hate him, I don't want to lose him, and 2) I wouldn't be able to live that way. I need it, since I need to be able to pay for a house, for food, and for the children I will have (children are a must. I can't be happy before I'm a mama). So I'm gonna take the long, boring way, get a good education, a good job, make lots of money, and learn to cope with it. Yippie...

Now, I do have one more question.
WHERE THE FUCK DID THE SUMMER GO?
I was gone for 2 weeks, and when I got back in the middle of June, it was gone. Just like that.
I'm getting so pale again. It's cold to sit or stand still outside, and it fucking rains.
How can summer be over so soon? I honestly haven't experienced this before. It's always summer 'til at least mid August. But no. Summer was gone by the time I got back from Bulgaria.
I want summeeeer!
This is the reason I'm going to move to America. To some warm state, like Louisiana, Missisipi, Texas, Tenesse or Georgia. Some shit like that. 1) I'm a country soul. Always has been. 2) I want the summer to last forever. Or at least more than 1½ month!

Sigh. Everything is wrong at the moment, apparently.
Fasting tomorrow. An x-ray fast. I could live on that shit, seriously.
Energy drinks are Gods gift to the people. My number 1 addiction, as you know.
And their on sale this week! Sooo cheap! Love love love <3


So girls, I'll leave you now, with a promise, promise, PROMISE! to write again tomorrow.
I love you all. You are so damn amazing!
Stay strong, all by beautifully broken butterflies!
- Bella 

3 comments:

  1. Hey Bella,

    Zumba sounds like so much fun. I really wanna try it but I hate exercising in front of others. I wonder if the game would be just as good.

    Im wondering when you work out your net calories...how does your BMR factor in? or is it just completely irrelevant?

    Good luck with the plan
    xx

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  2. Thanks for following girl! <3

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  3. Don't worry, you'll finally loose the weight you want! Just need to find the way that suits you the best! Wish you good luck!
    And the energy drinks - I hate them and it always makes me feel sick... Haha, don't understand how can you love them...:)

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