Wednesday, September 28, 2011

SGD news + Weekly weigh-in

CW: 86,9 kg/191,5 lbs (BMI 31,2)
GW1: 78 kg/171,9 lbs (BMI 28)

I'm going to need to wait until next week to do SGD. I'll start next Monday instead. I've got reason, girls. I just don't want to share them. Yeah, they're that personal :/
Sorry! But I will do it, believe me.

So, my darlings. I've put on a little since Monday. 0,4 kg/0,9 lbs. But also, I got my period Monday evening, so I'm  not too worried.
I have, in unision with my boyfriend, made goal weight sounding 78 kg/171,9 lbs by 23th of November (his 18th birthday). It's part of my present to him, so theres just no way to not be it. Besides, it's a pretty small number for such a long time. So I'm positive.
Liquid fasting today. Water, juice, diet coke. 
Zumba later today. I'll try to get my mom to stay with me afterwards, doing some extra. I've really fallen in love with the exercise bikes, because I can read at the same time. I love reading! Problem is, my parrents have already bought me 2 exercise bikes when I was younger, and I didn't use them. So now they're gone, and my parrents don't want to buy any more. I'm already working for my studying trip, I'll never get them to buy me one. Maybe I could wish for one for christmas? Try to get that one under the tree! Haha :)

Life sucks. I just lost in Tetris Battle. Again.
You can hear how seriously I'm taking my studies, right? Lol.

It's just hard, you know? I'm sure you all know.
When you're head is just filled with thoughts about your weight, and your body, calories, measurements, exercise, being a lazy fat fuck who can't do anything right... There's not much room left for anything, really. And whatever power you can gather, you spend at the things that really count, don't you? I mean, friends and family, people you love, things that make you happy.
The worst is that no one know. So they all just think you're a lazy fucker, who just doesn't want an education. And that is not true. I really want to be something. To have a good job, one that I like and make money on. I'd hate to drop out, or being graded so low I can't continue. It's not on purpose that I can't manage thinking about all this shit, it's not my fault that my head is already cramed with thoughts, that I can't managa to put any more into it! They just don't get it! And they never will...
Fuck it. Fuck them. They're not worth the hate.

Just finished of my juice. Too poor to buy a new one. And they cost, like, nothing. Fuck my life...

Girls, I'm fucked here.
Just found out I have a spanish assignment for next class, and I haven't done it.
A pretty big one.
Fuck my life...

'Til next girls, stay strong!
I love you all so much!
- Bella


  1. youre all over the place, love. Try to focus on one thing at a time. When you are consumed in your studies, you are less likely to think about food.

    Your education will prove to be the most important thing you do. There are no jobs, well.. no GOOD jobs that you can find with just a highschool diploma.

    Keep your head in the game babe, and your thoughts will follow.

    Sending you love and sunshine. Stay strong.

  2. Fuck. I have totally done that before with an assignment. MAKE up an epic excuse. And then hand it in later. Or tomorrow. Ahhhhhhh. Horrible. And good luck with your challenge! You can totally do it! xo Xo

  3. Stay strong
    i really hope everything is okay

  4. I used to do that all the time with Spanish class, good thing my teacher had a serious thing with Dove chocolate and would totally forgive me if I gave it to her.
    I've been making deals with my boyfriend too. He wants me to lose healthily...and I have been for a whole month almost!

    So...I hope everythings okay..:(

    and about the bike thing...I feel the same way! They are amazingg!