Guilty

I did really well yesterday. It was like a comeback for me, and I though I was okay. But then, today...

I can't believe how much i ate! 1000 fucking, stinking calories! If I could, I would go make myself throw up 'till I passed. But I can't my body really doesn't like throwing up, and I haven't done it since I was 7. I have tried, and I have tried a lot. But there's no way I can get off with those calories now.

I want to punish myself. I'm going to cut, that's for sure (Oh yeah, did I ever mention I've been a cutter since I was, like, 11?). I'm also going to fast tomorrow, feel how the emptiness painfully returns to my waaay to big belly. And no diet sodas. That would just be too easy, none of a punishment. And of course, I'll still have to go to the gym. I'm going to work out 'till I can't stand any more. I hate myself! Why can't I do right, just for once?

Enough with the emotional crap!

I'm going to start a diet, from next week. Or maybe before. I sure could use it. But I honestly don't know which one to pick. I'm thinking about doing ABC again, since it worked out so great for me the last time. But I'm afraid that if I eat just a little, I will eat all. If I eat anything, I will eat everything. It's easier just eating nothing (And how is that working out for you Louise?)

I don't really know any others, that will keep me under control for that amount of time. Maybe I should just make my own? "Louise's 2 months diet". Creative, I know, right?

Or maybe I should just go google some more. Or I could ask MY 2 FIRST FOLLOWERS! Like, yay :D

Any ideas? Gosh, I hope you'll comment this. Else, I'll fell very lonely and desperate.

Well, my life sucks at the moment. Hope you guys are doing better than pathetic, weak "little" me.

I love you girls! You rock!

- Bella