Monday, February 14, 2011

Scared as sh*t

I had to break my fast today, though I wasn't planning on 'till tomorrow. Why?
I think I found out what it's like almost passing out. No, I'm sure that's what it was, actually.

So, I took the bus as usual to school. And just about midway, I have to switch the bus.
Because so many people ride with the bus, there's never room for me to sit, which usually is good. But not today.
From the mornig I'd started getting that feeling you get, when you are dehydrated while fasting, so I drank 2 glasses of water and felt okay again soon.
But just as we're about to reach that point where I have to switch the bus, I started getting that feeling again. I got spots in front of my eyes, my heart started beating very very fast, and soon, I couldn't see a thing. I'd say about 10% of my sight was okay. The noises also started going away. I hardly couldn't hear anything, but my own heavy breating. My fingers started to get numb. My nose started to just... Spit out snot like a fountain, to be honest. I couldn't control it!
When finaly of the bus, I walked as fast as I could into the 7-Eleven store there. I grabbed a coke and felt my way to the desk, but honestly, I couldn't even see where the line were!
When finaly in line, there were so many peple, and felt so dizzy I was sure I'd pass out before reaching the desk. But I didn't. I had to ask the woman what the cost twice, and then I just gave her some coins. I have no idea how much, and I don't really care.
Avout 30 seconds after taking the first sip, the sugar started to work. My sight came back, my hearing, my feeling (in the fingers), and I could stop sobbing.

Fuck. I've never felt anything like it!
I was so shoked, I turned around and went back home, where I ate a wheat bun and to canola bars. Plus the coke, so around 600 for today. But honestly, I do not regret that!

Okay, now to something completly diffrent.
I've found the grossets site of all, today!
Honestly, if youn need to feel better about yourself, take a look at it!

I can't believe people can be like this! I mean, the do realize they haave big bellies. So how on earth can they post pictures like that, be proud of it, think of it as beautiul?

I've decided that mondays are gonna be my weight-in day, since the weekends are always the hardest on me, and I want an honest answer to my weight.
So today was my first weight in. 82,1 kg/181 lbs.
It's better than yesterday. But still... How did I get so far?
God, I need some motivation today! I think I'll just go over one of your blogs, you know, read all the old posts from the beginging. That always helps.

Thank you girls. For always being so cool and inspirering. I love you :)
And thank you for all your comments. When I made ths blog, I never expected just 1 comment. It means the world to me!


So, all of you girls fasting out there! Remember to drink water all the time, Lol. I'm so stupid for forgetting about it! x)

Stay strong, all you wonderful, beautiful creatures out there!
- Bella


  1. glad you're feeling better :)
    i broke my fast too :(

    think thin and happy valentine's day :D

  2. Well done for being smart, I am all up for fasting but as soon as you feel faint you should put some sugar in to you!
    I can Imagen that alot of people will dissagree with me but whats the point in being thin if you can't enjoy it because you can't stand or see.