Tuesday, February 1, 2011


I did really well yesterday. It was like a comeback for me, and I though I was okay. But then, today...
I can't believe how much i ate! 1000 fucking, stinking calories! If I could, I would go make myself throw up 'till I passed. But I can't my body really doesn't like throwing up, and I haven't done it since I was 7. I have tried, and I have tried a lot. But there's no way I can get off with those calories now.

I want to punish myself. I'm going to cut, that's for sure (Oh yeah, did I ever mention I've been a cutter since I was, like, 11?). I'm also going to fast tomorrow, feel how the emptiness painfully returns to my waaay to big belly. And no diet sodas. That would just be too easy, none of a punishment. And of course, I'll still have to go to the gym. I'm going to work out 'till I can't stand any more. I hate myself! Why can't I do right, just for once?

Enough with the emotional crap!
I'm going to start a diet, from next week. Or maybe before. I sure could use it. But I honestly don't know which one to pick. I'm thinking about doing ABC again, since it worked out so great for me the last time. But I'm afraid that if I eat just a little, I will eat all. If I eat anything, I will eat everything. It's easier just eating nothing (And how is that working out for you Louise?)

I don't really know any others, that will keep me under control for that amount of time. Maybe I should just make my own? "Louise's 2 months diet". Creative, I know, right?
Or maybe I should just go google some more. Or I could ask MY 2 FIRST FOLLOWERS! Like, yay :D
Any ideas? Gosh, I hope you'll comment this. Else, I'll fell very lonely and desperate.

Well, my life sucks at the moment. Hope you guys are doing better than pathetic, weak "little" me.
I love you girls! You rock!
- Bella


  1. love the photos!! you should write out your own diet plan..something you're comfortable with and something you can add to or take from if you have to...let's be honest it's hard to stick to one particular diet!!! good luck : )

  2. i like google-ing diet plans. but i always end up making my own, then winging it and not following it. haha.

    good luck. :)