Tuesday, April 12, 2011

So, how DO I feel?

I just don't know.
At some points, I'm happier than I should be. And sometimes, I'm sadder than I should. But I'm never just somewhere in between, my feelings never makes sense!

I get to bring my boyfriend on my vacation! I'm so excited! 2 weeks in Bulgaria, just me and the people I love. My mom already arranged it and everything.
So now, I should be really, really glad. But the first thought to go through my head was: "You better loose some weight - a LOT of weight - before Bulgaria! Do you wish to embarrass him?". No. No I don't. I'm going to practically LIVE in a bikini down there, and though I can't reach that gorgeous-stage before that, I can be way better than I am now. So from now on and until we leave (9th of July) I'll constantly be working out, counting calories, dieting hardcore. Which is good. He gives me the motivation I need.

ABC day 1 yesterday. I only had 3 apples, medium size (162 calories) and 6 rice crackers (156 calories), so I didn't use up all of my calories for the day. No one said I had to. I don't know what I'll do today. Diet sodas are a must. Maybe I'll just buy some more rice crackers? Ate my last ones yesterday. Dunno. I ought to plan it now, so I don't binge. But I just can't be concerned about it. I will not binge. I need to be thinner for Bulgaria.

Weighed myself yesterday. It was real bad, but of course, I have to write it here anyway. I actually weighed four times yesterday, after the morning. I promised I wouldn't. I just forgot. At least I didn't step on the scale this morning.
Monday morning, I weighed a massive 83,6 kg/184,6 lbs. I suck.


I actually began writing this at home. But I was pretty late, so I just shoved the laptop into my bag and ran. So if there's any change in my mood that I can track, forgive me. I'm too lazy in the morning xD

Just bought a six-pack of diet sodas. No coke, but some sporty one. Cheap. Delicious. Yum.
I honestly don't know how I'd get through the day if I couldn't drink my beloved diet sodas. I would binge even more. And that tells a lot.
They just saves my life! Whenever I crave something sweet, when I feel dizzy, or when I just feel like it, I drink one. And then I always gets better. Thank you, diet soda, for saving my life! <3

So, girls, I'll leave you now. Need to pay attention in class.
Stay strong, you beautiful girls
I love you!
- Bella


  1. oh my, i dont know where id be without soda either. it fills me up. and makes me feel better. :P good luck with the abc. i sense to see a tiny girl in bulgaria in july. (: <3 stay lovely.

  2. You are going to look great for the summer, with all of that hard work he better measure up to you!

    I have recently become obsessed with vitamin water zero so I'm very much understanding the diet drink love.

  3. I agree about diet soda. It always picks me up when I'm feeling weak.