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Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Weekly weigh-in + ABC Day 1 (againagainagainagainagain)

Current weight: 80,1 kg/176,6 lbs (BMI 28,7)
Loss: + 0,8 kg/1,8 lbs
GW2: 78 kg/171,9 lbs (BMI 28)

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First off, I'd like to apologize to you lovelies. I am the worlds crappiest blogger, only overdone by how bad a follower I am. So sorry! But new, holiday's over and I'm back! I swear I will catch up on everything today, I will post a bunch of lovely comments, and I'll be super supportive! Is that ok? Can you please forgive me? *puppy-eyes*

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So... A gain. Again (HAHA, that looks so cool! I didn't even think about that!). When will I ever find willpower? TODAY! This year must be different. This year is my fucking year! So now it's back on and just keep up.
I decided to start ABC again since... Well, I was just tired of not doing anything. ABC is better than nothing, way better. Also, it's a way to get back into restricting again, something I haven't been doing for a very long time!

These past couple of days has been bad. They have involved tons of fast food, meat, candy and everything else I could lay my hands on. And I haven't been purging. That's why I've gained. I just decided that I don't want to be addicted to that nasty habit anymore. Like, why waste money on food, if it's just going to come right back up? I don't have a lot of money as it is already, and then I decide to throw them away like that. I might as well just eat the money and throw them up, it's the same. I have become way to used to just being able to eat whatever the hell I want without gaining, just because I'm able to get it back up. I've lost control, and that, ladies, is not acceptable!
Also, there has been cutting again. And a lot more than it used to. It seems that since I developed this bulimia-thing, I have started to cut more. No, that's a lie. Since I started following SI blogs on Tumblr, I have started to cut more.
Oh my girls. What am I doing to myself?!


I ate an apple (61) for breakfas and a fresh breath (5,5)t. Normally, I don't eat breakfast at all, but I was feeling dizzy and faint, so I decided I might as well start my day by eating instead of fainting. I had a salad for lunch, consisting of only lettuce (16) and some dressing (105) to make it more interesting. And yes, I do drown my salad in dressing. I am so picky, if I didn't, I wouldn't even eat the stuff. Delicious, and as long as it's without the pasta and chicken I used to add, absolutely alright if you ask me. I have bought both rice cakes and a pack of strawberries on sale, on this time of the year! Fuck yeah! Yes, I love strawberries. I was thinking about eating those strawberries for dinner, along with some soup or something. I have calculated it all, and with the strawberries I'll only be on 290 calories. I'm allowed 500, so I can eat both some soup and some more fruit with that.
Here, I would normally have said bread. But I have decided to lay low on the fattening carbs, like pasta and bread and cheese stuff. I love all these things, so it's very, very hard for me to do. But I need to keep trying. It doesn't matter if I eat only 500 calories every single day, if they're all from chocolate and crisps and that sort of stuff. When restricting, I need to give my body what it really needs. That's why I've decided that the only bread I can eat is rye-bread, for the fibers, and the only cheese I can eat is... I don't know what it's called. It's like cream cheese, except it's not made of cream, but something much more healthy. It's still something you spread over the bread. WhatisthenameofitGARGHASDFGL.KM!

You know what I mean...
Google translate says processed cheese, but when I google images of processed cheese, it's NOT the same! Do you know cheesz dippers? It's like that! It's that kind of cheese that you dip the bread-stick in! You know? No? ... Never mind!


So, lovelies. I've got to get back to my spanish class, translating weird spanish words from the assignment we just had into danish!
Until next time lovelies, take care. I love you so much, and I promise I will be reading and commenting and stuff as soon as I get home!
Love you so much.

Stay strong, think thin, be beautiful!
- Bella

6 comments:

  1. I think you mean cheese spread :p Like Dairylea and The Laughing Cow. It's so yummy. xx

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  2. Cheese Spread is yummy :)
    I'm just glad you're back Bella :)
    I'm glad you want to stop purging. :) That makes me very happy.

    Anywhoo, have fun in Spanish! I must get ready to go to work...yay me :)

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  3. baby, that's barely a gain. 0,8kg will go away in less than two days. x3. in your case, even less, because i remember you lose weight like THISSSSS when you restrict. :3
    ABC. whenever i hear about ABC - i think alphabet soup! i have yet to find a brand of vegetarian alphabet soup though. :( i'll probably spend like ten hours eating it because i want to play with the lettering. xD.
    i know how that feels. it's like a game. eat, eat, eat quickly - and then purge. for me, i don't get a lot of food up after 5 minutes after eating. i have to wait 10. so i put on my alarm and just go to purge. and i don't purge in the toilet. i purge in the sink! which smells. game over if i'm not careful xP.
    :( you're abusing your body. a lot. and the poor thing takes it by the dozen. the body takes so much. you can live with half a kidney, half a brain, most of your muscles and bones gone and still be able to function just as much as someone with all of those assets. once, i told myself, if i don't need my kidney, can i just donate it? i'd like lose 5lbs. xD. oh my. the crap i think about to lose weight.
    oh my God. i can't stand the SMELL of dressing. much less thinking about putting it anywhere near my food!
    yay! i love how when you restrict, you use soup and rice cakes a lot from what i noticed! i can't stand rice cakes. they feel airy and light to me. i can probably eat 40 of them in a setting and still not feel full.
    cheese spread! i actually love cream cheese more. :3 now that we're talking about cheese, i realised i haven't had any for about a week. new personal record! yes!
    for me, i lose a lot more when the fattening crap. it's less volume for more calories, so...it's easier to weigh less in the morning if i eat something with a low volume, than to eat a huge plate of salad that has the same amount of calories. i don't actually 'lose' more. it's just food weight that i haven't excluded yet, but damn our ED brains! a loss is a loss. a gain is a gain. whether water weight, food weight or whatever.
    now that i read about that cheese. my stomach is like "SAM FOOD". so dinner? yes!
    -Sam Lupin

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  4. The only thing that keeps me from purging is that I value my teeth too much! Weird thing I know, but my parents and I have spent so much time and money getting me nice teeth that I would hate to mess them up. Please be carfeul with the cutting dear. Just remember you are loved, and you are beautiful, and cutting may feel good for the moment but it won't solve problems. We're all here for you if you need to talk, it may feel like some weird virtual community, and it probably is, but the words are real. Take care of your body love, you only get one. -G

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  5. I don't think you can be the worst blogger, since I've been gone for an entire year. Thank you so much for the warm welcome back. I'm happy too!

    I think you're wise to give up on purging. I'm trying to cut that habit out completely too. It just always has a way of coming back.

    It sounds like you're doing great though. Stay strong!
    <3 Eva

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