Thursday, March 22, 2012

Studying trip post!

First of all, thank you so much girls! I had never expected that kind of comments, I was so overwhelmed! It means so much to me, you'll never know! I'm so grateful to have you girls, it's crazy! Thank you :)

So, I'm in Spain, getting sunburned (TWICE on my nose! Seriously?!) and exploring this amazing city! Seriously, if you ever come to Spain, you have to visit it! Especially the part we just went to today, Monachil. It was crazily beautiful! At first, it was a looong walk up badly made stairs and patches, but after we got to a hanging bridge - 50 m! - we made it to this beautiful area. We had to walk around a gigantic mountain, on a path so small, we could barely walk there, and the mountain river flowing on the other side. Seriously, there were handles at some points where it was just impossible to walk without. It was so fantastic, so much fun, and such a beautiful area! It was way more interesting than Alhambra, and some has declared that the worlds 8th wonder. Seriously, Google it, 'cause I can't put in pictures at the moment. I don't have the cable for my camera.

We are walking crazily much. My feet are hurting so bad, and I have overstretched (that word sounds crazy, but it's what my dictionary says :/ ) I never even knew of before! Beneath my knees, down the side of the legs. Seriously, what the fuck?
But we are seeing so many things, and we're having such a great time! I'm not much of a socializer though, so I haven't been out drinking with the others in the evenings. I just don't feel comfortable doing that with people I don't really know so well, and doesn't really like-like. I mean, they're fine, but I just have such a hard time of it. Small steps. We're all going out to see a flamenco-show tonight, and having dinner beforehand. After that, most will go into town to party. I'm thinking I'll maybe go get a beer or too, and just try to enjoy it.

The weather down here is so great! Especially today has been so very nice. It made me wish I had the confidence to wear shorts. And that I hadn't cut my thigh this morning.
My eating down here sucks, though. I have been acting so gross, and it just kills me thinking about it. I just made it beneath 80 kg/176,4 lbs before the trip, and now, I'm probably coming home to 85 kg/187,4 or something. Gosh, that would be so terrible. But realistic. I'm not kidding. It has been so disgusting, and so little of it has been purged. I already cut twice down here for being a pig, and I know I'm gonna cut tomorrow for this days mistakes as well. I can just sense it already :/

I swear to God, and this time I'm serious, when I get home, I have to start going into the gym! It doesn't even have to be obsessively much. Just 2 or 3 times a week, for one hour or one and a half. No more! How hard can it be?!
Also, I have got to get my eating under control. I keep using money I don't have, and it's driving me crazy, 'cause then I can't get my cigarettes and diet coke! And I really, really enjoy those things. I helps keeping me sane. I've noticed, my depression-state has taken of since I started smoking. I know I already wrote this earlier, but really! Why didn't I start smoking way sooner?

I'm worried people will notice my cuts tonight, 'cause I'll be wearing tights and shorts. But then again, no one ever notices me anyway, so why would they start now? No one will be looking at my disgustingly fat thighs anyway. I'm just going to try and relax, and enjoy myself a bit. We're all having paella for dinner, a traditional Spanish dish. It's just rice and vegetables, since I'm a vegetarian - really, I have gotten better at not eating meat! - so it should be fairly healthy. All I've eaten today is 3 Kit-Kats, 1 Nestlé Milkybar, and a 100 g. crisp bag. And some very, very dry bread. Like, 20 g. or so. Nothing, really. Then I've had 2 Red Bulls, and one glass of orange juice. A lot of calories, but hardly anything to keep me full. Why am I so stupid?

So, I'll go put on some make-up now, then I'll go have a cigarette, and hopefully by then, my hair will be dry enough to straighten. The website said all rooms had hair dryers. The website is a big fat liar! So I'll just go put it in the sun.
Until I get home, and until next time I write you girls, I want you all to take great care of your self, and I promise, promise, promise, I'll be commenting as soon as I get home! I have to. I will!

I love you girls. You really do light up my world. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Stay strong, think thin, be beautiful!
- Bella


  1. That sounds like an amazing trip, I envy you! I'm glad you're having fun, hotels always lie, I have to go and complain if i want a hairdryer in my rooms most of the time xD all those empty calories will just burn right off with all that walking though, Have Fun! <3

  2. sunburned! i don't get sunburned. i've got an olive-like skin tone. shiiiit. i won't Google. because i'll envy you. and from the sound of it, i envy you already.

    woooooow. it sounds like you've been burning off a ton of cals by walking! <3
    it's alright, love. you can get under if you want. it doesn't matter. <3 just enjoy yourself, alright??

    it's alright, love. don't be so hard on yourself. i've had a stupid bowl of cereal that hasn't kept me full. like 212kcal. and the only reason i haven't left to eat is because i have a stupid metallic taste in my mouth and a sore throat. so i can't be bothered to give a crap about food. i just want that to go away.


    keep on enjoying yourself. <3
    -Sam Lupin

  3. Glad you are having such a wonderful time!! you sure as hell deserve it, babe. :)