I guess it's alright

So, I think I might be back on track. I've lost a little weight the last 2-3 days, but I'm not sure how much, since I don't remember what I weighted before. Today, I've had 2 diet cokes (bottles) and 2 pieces of sugarfree gum. I'm going to bed in about 1½ hour, and I don't belive I will eat before that.

Everyone keeps tempting me (my mom just came in and asked if I wanted some ice cream, though I told her no less than 2 hours ago!), and I don't know how long I can keep saying "no". Maybe I'll eat tomorrow. I have way to much cash, and I know it makes no diffrence if I just leave it at home, 'cause once I get home, I'll just give in.
I need to stay motivated through the day, but it's hard, since no one knows, besides my boyfriend and my best friend, and none of them understands! I need, like, an Ana buddy. But where on earth could I find one, in my small, small country, who wouldn't be disguisted by my look, my weight, my everything?

I find great relieaf in reading Pro Ana-blogs online. If it weren't for you girls, I would never be able to do what I do! I love you all so much, though you don't even know I excist. 'Cause honestly, what diffrence does my unknown love make? None. None at all.

I'm going to a party this saturday, 18-years birthday, so I will probably be drinking. I've read online that of all alcohol, plain rum seems to be the best, along with Coke or Sprite zero (or other light/zero products), so I'll stick with that. But honestly, I don't really feel like drinking, and acting stupid, and waking up with my stomac turned the wrong way.
I'm tired of this shit, I'm tired of how everybody exspects me to looove drinking, to do it all the time. Even my parrents thinks it's good for me, 'cause they know how much of an out-sider I've always been, and therefore never being invited to parties.

Screw society and all their exspectations! This is my life, and I'll live it just the way that I want to!
And what I want to, is being thin, and beautiful, and admired. I want to be happy, and to live my life without carying about everything I do, all the time! Just to bad that's never going to happen...

Starve on girls! You're all so beautiful ♥
- Bella