"Happy" New Year

Okay, I have officialy reached the buttom.

I'm 16 years old, I live in the country with most young people drinking (including me!) and I have nothing to do tonight. I'm just going to sit at my boyfriends place with him and his parrents, until I pass out from being to bored!

But of course, as for every New Years  Eve, I have to write down my resolutions, to make them more official. I figured thos would be the best place, because here I can be 100% honest.

•  Loose 25 kg (55.1 lbs) at least! I have lots of weight to loose from, and in one year, I should at least be able to loose the double!
  
•  Start jogging! I just hate that sh*t. But I have to do it. I just have to! Buuut I'll wait 'till the weather gets better whit this one ;)
  
•  Use my money better! I have 3 jobs, and I make great a deal of money every month. But then I always go waste them on junk. This will end! I will have more money, and I will be able to buy whatever I want.
  
•  Become more active socialy. I will not spend the next new year alone, doing something dead boring! I want to go to more parties, and I want to have fun!

Okay, so that's it for this year.
This year I will not fail. I will stick to my goals, and at the time we enter 2010, I will (apperently) be thinner, richer, more popular, and I will jog 'couple a times a'week. Wow...

That's right - it's me on the picture :)

Starve on girls! You never alone!
- Bella ♥

Weakness

How stupid can you be?

"It's only christmas once a year"...

As might have guessed by now, my cristmas didn't went super great.

Christmas evening was okay, I knew I would eat something, but I acctualy underestimated my willpower. I did not eat any of the sweets that night, and I only had, like, 1½ portion of the food. That is bad, yes, but I expected 3, looking back at the other years.

I decided to fast yesterday, since I am no good a purging. And I went fine... Until I decided that a small lunch would be okay. I thought I was able to controle myself. But when I looked in the fridge, and saw all the left-overs... I didn't think about it. I just ate it.

After that, I just kept on eating. All the left-over sweets, chips, bisquits, noodles, I ate everything!

When I weighed myself this morning, I was suprised. I hadn't put on as much weight as I expected, but I had gained about a kg (2,2lbs)

I will fast today, and maybe also tomorrow. I will not eat more than 200 calories a day until new years eve. Then, I will fast, fasting myself into the new year, as a symbol of how the rest of my year will be.

This year I will follow my new years resolution, this year I will get thin!

Even though I'm huge now, in one year, I can still change a lot.

I will not eat.

I will be thin.

Stay strong girls. You're not alone! ♥

- Bella

Blogspot

Okay, so here it is. This is my blog, my first blog acctualy.

I have been readig tons and tons of other peoples ana-blogs. So now I decided to make my own, if you can call it that.

This blog will be about me. It will be about my twisted eating-habbits, and my daily fight to become just a little more perfect.

I am not anorexic. My weight is way to high, so no doctor would ever call me that. But I do starve to become thinner. Or just thin, as a start.

I will add, like a page or something about me. But for now, I can tell you that my name is Louise, I'm 16 years old, and I live in Denmark, a very small and annoying country in Skandinavia.

I've had a boyfrind for more than 2½ year, and he is my world. Everything I do, I do for him. I have no secrets for him - he knows about my starving, and he is acctualy supporting me. Not because he like it, but because he knows that it's what I want.
 

I do weight myself in kg's, and I define my hight in cm's. I will try to convert everything for you, but if it slips, you at least know why now :)

I'm making this blog, mostly to make this journey esaier for myself. I haven't starved for a long time, and I find it very hard to pull through. Of course I hope for support in here, but it's not at all my main reason for having this blog. I will be posting as often as I can, at least 2-3 times a weak!

I don't know if anyone will ever read this, but if you do, stay strong, and know you're not alone!

- Bella ♥